At Tuesday night’s council meeting, North Miami Beach Fake Councilwoman Phyllis Smith faked an apology for the childish temper tantrum she pulled at the August 28, 2016 special meeting.

You will recall that the Mayor and Council were scheduled to attend a meeting of the Community Redevelopment Advisory (CRA) Board at 6:00 PM that evening.  As such, ten days in advance of that meeting, the Mayor also scheduled a special council meeting to immediately follow the CRA meeting for the purpose of voting to change the employees’ health insurance company.  As I already noted, this vote was critical in order to make the necessary change before September 1, 2016 so that the option would be available to the employees during open enrollment.

Instead of simply doing the job she’s paid $30,000.00 a year to do and waiting literally two more minutes  to cast a vote, Phyllis grandstanded yet again by complaining about having to attend all the imaginary special meetings that take up space in her vacant head.

In fact, as the Mayor pointed out, that was only the second special meeting called this entire year.  The other one had to be called for the purpose of voting on city business that was left unfinished when Phyllis walked out of a previous meeting and broke quorum.

And on the night of the second special meeting of the year, Phyllis did it again!

Her juvenile actions prompted Councilwoman Barbara Kramer to sponsor legislation designed to prevent Phyllis or any other council member from deliberately breaking quorum.  Ordinance No. 2016-9, Quorum Required/Ethical Duty to Remain at City Council Meetings,  passed on the first reading at the September 6, 2016 council meeting.  The second reading will take place during the next council meeting on October 4, 2016.

As self-unaware that she is, for some strange reason on Tuesday night Phyllis felt compelled to apologize.

Well, sort of.

Not only does Phyllis not know how to apologize, she has no clue what she’s sorry for.

Phyllis actually took the time to write a speech, which she read at the end of the meeting during City Council Committee Reports.  As long as she kept to her prepared script, Phyllis sounded almost coherent.  But when she stopped reading and spoke off the cuff, she couldn’t help doing what she does best – bloviate.

I transcribed her speech verbatim, which you can read it in its entirety by clicking here:  Sorry-Not-Sorry

You can also watch Phyllis up close and virtual here, beginning at hour 2:18:16:

As much as Phyllis tried to stifle her natural tendency to go off on tangents and butcher the English language, she still managed to hilariously embarrass herself.

Since she’s unaccustomed to admitting she’s wrong about anything, her lame attempt at an apology was nothing more than a pathetic, self-absorbed mea culpa.

At no point did she even acknowledge her own childish behavior, or the fact that she deliberately inconvenienced every single person in the room.

In typical Phyllis fashion, the moment was all about her.

Phyllis’ opened with the announcement that she “survived” a three week vacation with her three grandchildren.

Oy vey, such torture!

Then she said she was sorry “for not having the stamina to stay for the August 28^th special meeting and to vote.”

Oh, really?  How hard is it take to simply sit down, shut up and vote?  Apparently, for Phyllis, it’s way too much work.

She then admitted that she “may not be as articulate as some of the people sitting up here, but I do follow the rules.”

Um, no.

Wrong on both counts.

Phyllis is NEVER  articulate.  Much less compared to anyone else!

Furthermore, committing absentee ballot fraud is NOT following the rules.  In fact, it’s ILLEGAL!

As usual, Phyllis did provide some much needed comic relief when she said, “I felt that my questions and concerns and the responses need to go on the record in pertuity.“

Wait, WHAT?  Pertuity?  PERTUITY?

Psst, Phyllis.  Did you perhaps mean perpetuity?

Spellcheck much?

Then, as usual, Phyllis went into her classic Make-Shit-Up mode when she claimed the city spent $50,000 on an insurance broker, which is not even close to accurate.

She also stated that “this is now being investigated for some alleged allegations.”

If anyone has a clue what the “this” is that’s being investigated, please fill me in.

Secondly, alleged allegations?  Aren’t allegations always alleged?

The most classic Phyllisism, however, was when she said, “I have listened to the tusking and the huffing and the huffing.”

“Tusking and the huffing and the huffing?”   Did you hurt yourself laughing yet?

Self-serving attention hog that she is, Phyllis kept claiming that she was “elected,” and especially that she was “elected to take care of the public.”

For the record, let’s get something straight here.

PHYLLIS WAS NOT LEGITIMATELY ELECTED!

She only “won” by 71 votes, most of which were obtained by ABSENTEE BALLOT FRAUD!

Furthermore, no one is “elected to take care of the public.”  Like the time she sponsored the “Baggy Pants Resolution” so she could tell young men to pull up their drawers, Phyllis actually thinks it’s her job to be everyone’s mama.  Legitimately elected officials are public servants, not caretakers.

Phyllis then actually had the chutzpah to claim that she just had to leave the special meeting because she “actually became physically ill,” but that her “duties have never been abandoned.”

Physically ill, Phyllis?   REALLY?

Again, for the record, Councilman Tony DeFillipo rushed to City Hall less than twelve hours after having surgery  to take care of critical city business BECAUSE PHYLLIS ABANDONED HER DUTIES AND BROKE QUORUM!

If anyone was physically impaired, it was Councilman DeFillipo.  Yet he rose to the occasion to do the job Phyllis refused to do.

As if she hadn’t already made a complete jackass of herself, Phyllis continued with, “In fact, if you ask residents and staff which council person has been the most involved with city functions and residents’ events outside of the council meeting, I am positive I would get a vast number of those votes.”

OMIGOD!  Can you spell D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L?

Running around to every grand opening and ribbon cutting for the sole purpose of photo bombing events is called “opportunism,” which is the polar opposite of “involvement.”

In fact, Phyllis has voted AGAINST  most of the things she then turns around and takes credit for achieving.

She’s also oblivious to the fact that most of the city’s residents AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE EMPLOYEES  despise her.  They run when they see her coming.

After much bloviating, Phyllis eventually wrapped up her bogus attempt at a faux apology by announcing, “With that I wanna say to you again that to staff, the residents, my fellow colleagues, I do apologize [but] that was really beyond my brink I was preparing to leave town for the first time ever in my life for an extended period of time and have a family that I couldn’t reach with their three children in my charge.”

Phyllis obviously doesn’t know that an “apology” with a caveat means absolutely nothing.  Anything after “but” is bullshit.

Then again, this is Phyllis Smith we’re talking about.  Statistically speaking, there’s a 99.99% chance that anything coming out of her mouth is pure, unmitigated bullshit.

On second thought, make that 100%.

Stephanie