Everyone’s talking about the hilarious new CBS television series called BrainDead. The premise of the show is that all the political insanity in Washington is caused by “a race of extraterrestrial insects eating the brains of the politicians.”
Yes, it’s a comedy. And, yes, it’s Hollywood. But don’t be fooled. What very few people know, other than the creators of this show, of course, is that these space bugs are very, very real.
Yes, folks. I’m dead serious.
Just take a look at some of our local politicians. Can you come up with any logical explanation for some of their insane behavior?
I mean, hellooo! Does the name Daphne Campbell ring a bell?
In fact, these alien brain-eating space bugs might also explain North Miami Beach Faux Councilwoman Phyllis Smith’s spectacularly bizarre behavior.
Remember the time Phyllis hoodwinked the members of the North Miami Beach employees’ union (AFSCME) into campaigning for her on the promise she would never, ever, EVER vote to outsource sanitation …
And then VOTED FOR IT?
Well, that was nothing compared to her latest “brilliant” idea.
Phyllis’ incoherent rant during the August 16, 2016 council meeting was almost as entertaining as an episode of BrainDead. Once again, for all the world to see, Phyllis Smith earned her reputation as the laughing stock of Miami-Dade County.
But, all humor aside, folks, you have cause for concern.
Think about it. This woman is an elected (albeit fraudulently) official who is responsible for the enactment of laws of an entire city.
That thought alone should scare the hell out of you.
Her terminal insanity began at hour 2:27:30 during the discussion of the city’s upcoming fiscal year’s budget. During the five minutes that she squawked, squealed and bloviated, Phyllis Smith finally, and effectively, removed any doubt you may have that brain-eating space bugs are very, very real.
Here is another verbatim – completely unedited – transcript of what can only be described as Full Frontal Phyllis.
And, where I simply could not resist, I’ve added my commentary in red.
“I would like to engage the residents, and I would like to take what’s started in this city and take it up another notch. I’ve been talking since I was in Chicago…”
And she hasn’t stopped talking since!
“…and saw the colored cows, and then in Atlanta they have the turtles, and, um, I think in Maine they have the bears, and that we need some kind of identification.”
“But more importantly, and it sounds very cute but if you think about it economically, we are a city that is growing and businesses are coming and condominiums are coming…”
No thanks to Phyllis, however, who voted AGAINST the budget last year!
“…and when we have this in front of us we have to support them. If we don’t support them they won’t stay, they’ll close, so what can make the public stop here? They have to get off the expressway and go this way to go to the beach, they have to get off the expressway and go this way to go downtown, why, what are we gonna do to make them stop here? So of course everybody wants to go to the Aventura Mall so we have to make something unique.”
“So, I think what we should do with some of the money from my corner is, um, I think that we should tell people where our beach is. And I think that we should take little containers of beach sand, put them all over the city, and have a little app that will engage the public Find North Miami Beach’s Beach!”
“And they can go and they can take their app and it’ll engage the public, they can, we can, hide them like, like Pokémon! Pokémon in North Miami Beach!”
“But we’re not gonna do an app like Pokémon, that’s very expensive. There is an app, there is an app, not an app, there is something you can do to put this on the, it’s very inexpensive and I just tried to find out the name of it I will find out the name and then the IT department can take it and figure out how to do it and then we can have North Miami Beach’s Beach BE in North Miami Beach!”
“And, um, there was a city in Up North and I’m sorry I don’t remember the city…”
“…but they did this in squirrels.
Huh? They did WHAT in squirrels?
“So, you know they weren’t real squirrels, of course…”
Whew! What a relief! For a minute there I was worried.
“…but they have the squirrels at the top of the building and they had the squirrels in the sewer and they had the squirrels in, um, on the bench, and you had a map and when you came to their city you could find their squirrels.”
“So when you come to North Miami Beach you could find our beach. And so it just requires somebody to go over to the public beach and get a couple buckets of where our, we owned the beach where we owned the sand get a couple buckets and we have to order something that will be adorable and, um, will last and then map it out and hide our North Miami Beach’s Beach and engage the public. That’s one of my ideas.”
“Another idea is there’s a company that has benches, outside benches around town.”
Hey, psst, Phyllis. In case you forgot, Myron’s already thought of that one!
“So, again, we could go get our beach sand and put a layer of sand on those inexpensive benches and put lacquer on them and, um, when people say where is your beach, we could give them the map and they could go to 15th Avenue and 171st Street and they could see our beach on the bench. ‘Cuz our sand would be on the bench under the lacquer.”
“But I think what we need to do with the money if we can because every one of us can use money for I think we need to engage the public and get the public excited and get the public involved, involved whether it’s the tree planting or involved whether it’s a ribbon cutting, but involved on a daily basis that they see the excitement of the city and gives them a reason to tell their friends oh my gosh when you come to North Miami Beach this is what we’re gonna do. So, that is, I don’t know how much it costs, I don’t know how much of my budget I could have, but I would like us to be the North Miami Beach “Pokeyman.”
That’s just an idea, but the main thing is to engage the public to make sure that the public stops here so that the economy that’s starting to slowly rise in North Miami Beach as we have sat up here now we have seen a lot of these restaurants open and close because they don’t get enough patrons so we don’t want the stores to open and close we don’t want the restaurants to open and close we wanna bring the people here for them. That’s part of our job is to bring the public to North Miami Beach to stay here and to, um, utilize their services. And so that’s what I would like to do with my money.”
Alrighty then.
No way in hell could I make this shit up.
Stephanie
Wow, I can’t stand her.
Dude, you’re not alone.
Who can? Stephanie, you hit this one out of the ballpark once again. I was literally tearing and ROTFLMFAO. I can hear her voice reading this. Damn, she’s a nut.
When are you goig to do an article on the Mayor being under investigation.
When there is something to write about.
As of now, I have the same “on the record” information as the media. I am not yet at liberty to divulge what I know “off the record.”
What I can tell you, however, is that everyone needs to take all the “rumors” that a certain boy lobbyist is spreading like so much manure with a grain of salt. As usual, he has no idea what he’s talking about.
And, oops! I’ve already said too much. But, trust me. Lots more will be revealed.
You don’t mean the one who slides in and out and in between City of North Miami’s city officials as well as city staff, pitching his next big city transaction, do you? I’ll give a warning if he’s reading……Better be careful, someone may be recording conversations…..just sayin ; /
Are you talking about the kid wanna-be lobbiest? I heard his mom tell him that if he doesn’t get a REAL job soon, she was going to cut off his allowance.
Yep, you guessed it! In all seriousness, people should be really careful not to say anything in his presence that they don’t want recorded. Just saying.
I agree with Phyllis about the turtles and squirrels because tourists need to have SYMBOLS or something they can follow to find the beach in North Miami Beach …only there isn’t one… a beach, that is, so how about a LAND CRAB because land crabs are cute but they are on ..ya know…land, so it would make a whole lotta of sense and then when people can’t find the beach they will get the joke and think it is funny. Right? Phyllis will like this idea. I know she will. LAND CRAB!
Wow, the only thing more stupid than Phyllis Smith are the people who voted for her. Well, actually, there are even MORE STUPID people than that, the ones that campaigned for her were even more stupid than the stupid people who voted for her.
Each City Council meeting costs the taxpayers of North Miami Beach about $1000 per hour in employee costs and utilities. The cost to the business community is even more when paid attorney’s, architects, and contractors have to sit through the meetings waiting their turn to make their presentation.
At each and every Council meeting , Phyllis Smith rambles, bloviates, and speaks pure nonsense, going on and on, wasting, at a minimum, one hour of everyone’s time. This equates to an annual time loss expense of over $50,000 annually for the taxpayers and an even greater number for the paid consultants and attorneys.
An even greater tragedy is done to the number of residents who previously went to observe their local government in action at Council meetings. It has shrank to almost nobody due to Smith’s incessant bloviating about nothing. Even people who don’t have much of a life and attended the meetings have a new purpose in life by staying home and not hearing the incessant cackling of a birdbrain.
If she stays on the dais much longer, the taxpayers of the city will soon be paying for employee counseling and paying out huge workmen’s compensation claims for on the job disabilities due to having to listen to an hour-long rendition of Smith explaining her latest “new Idea”. Please give us some relief.
That’s funny. I haven’t been to a council meeting in ages, but you are right she’s a bird brain or is it a bee brain? Does she still wear black and yellow? She used to drive a yellow truck and wear yellow all of the time. I couldn’t figure it out until someone told me that she works for a company called Bee Team or something like that. Thank you for the laugh, she really is incoherent.
She calls herself the “B” Team, meaning she’s not “A” Team material. If Dr. Kavorkian were still alive, if he listened to Phylis bloviate for an hour, he would commit suicide himself.
“Put a layer of sand on bus benches”. Well that ought to be a great draw for homeless vagrants who can now dream they are sleeping on a beach instead of a bus bench.
Is this the same nut-job who drives around in an oversize van, with Montana license plates, with her tacky campaign signs still being displayed on its sides? I haven’t been back to Miami since October of last year and she was running around with them then. What a piece of work.
This woman can’t have a husband. There isn’t a man on the planet that could put up with that on a daily basis, unless she’s married to a North Korean General who is use to being close to a whack-job.
She’s married to the guy in the photo at the top of this blog column.
Okay, that’s not him. But, now that you mention it, he does bear a striking resemblance.