Stop what you’re doing right now!  You absolutely MUST watch North Miami Beach’s recently “re-elected” Spork Weasel’s performance at last Tuesday night’s Oath of Office swearing in ceremony.  Frantz Pierre’s buffoonery was so over the top, it’s almost impossible to describe.

And, yet, somehow I’ll try.

For a full fourteen minutes, viewers were “treated” to Frantzie’s self-aggrandizing ego trip, which was a combination of slapstick, satire, parody and surreal comedy all rolled into one jaw-dropping, macabre spectacle that can only be described as “OMG! WTF?”

Normally, when elected officials are sworn into office, they ask a close family member or other significant person in their lives to read them the Oath of Office.  For example, Mayor George Vallejo was sworn in by his son and Councilwoman Marlen Martell was sworn in by her husband.

Eleven and a half minutes into the meeting, the viewers stepped into an alternate universe as the Mayor announced that Frantz Pierre was going to be sworn in by not one, not two, not even three or four, but FIVE different people!

Unlike his colleagues, the Spork Weasel of North Miami Beach had three reverends, a doctor and a judge do the “honors.”

Yes, he really believes he’s that relevant.

Each of his five oath givers read a line of the statement while Frantzie raised his right hand and solemnly swore to “support, protect, and defend” the Constitution of the United States of America, the State of Florida, and the Charter of the City of North Miami Beach.

Right then and there, I nearly choked on my coffee as I howled in laughter.

Although I don’t speak Franzish, I do know that the definition of “support, protect, and defend” is not “violate, trash, and ignore.”  Maybe something’s lost in the translation, but I’m pretty sure they don’t mean what he thinks they mean.

If that pretense weren’t laughable enough, Council Weasel Frantz Pierre then launched into an eleven minute diatribe that you have to see to believe.

Unless you watch this entire speech, you can’t even begin to imagine the extent of Frantz Pierre’s derangement and sense of persecution.  He really does believe the voices in his head.

I watched the whole thing with morbid fascination as I transcribed his rant verbatim.  Amazingly, Frantzie was almost intelligible.  There were, however, words and phrases I absolutely could not understand no matter how many times I hit the rewind button and turned up the speakers.

In those instances, I finally gave up and simply wrote the “words” out phonetically, in italics  for emphasis.  Other than that, I did not change a single word.

If you care to read it in its entirety, click here:  DELUSIONAL FRANTZIE

Here are a few of the more entertaining Frantzie-isms.  Enjoy!

It is with God’s grace and mercy that I’m still not guilty, the success and stones of life. A life full of stories to tell and many testimony to share.

I swear.  He said that.  I’m not making this up!

As I begin another exciting four year chapter of my popsicle  journey, I want to reflect on my past accomplishments and offer a special on the journey ahead.

A popsicle  journey?  Is that anything like a magic carpet ride?

This chooselets  as the furfits  of confirmation that I have earned the trust of the people of North Miami Beach and the entire community.

Chooselets  and furfits?  Seriously!  That was a head scratcher.  Go listen for yourself and tell me he did not say that!

I’M delighted that you are educated voters. And you stand against those who would keep you from the right choices and its itsickle  decisions even though there were calculated efforts on the part of some dimijoes  to conduct a smear campaign against me. It could not bear any fruit.

Damn those dimijoes!   Smear campaigns and all!

As a man of faith, I know I’m protected since I’m the Son of God!

OMG!  Does Jesus know?

You said you want a family man because you value families.

OMG!  Does Frantzie’s girlfriend know?

I’m proud of you, NMB. By voting for Frantz Pierre you say you don’t want anascojopont sefa professor.

I have no clue what that is, but I sure don’t want any of it, either.

We had our heads high and we did not hire one single criminal in MY campaign. These are clean, clean, clean people.

Really, Frantzie?  Not one single criminal?  Not even Darrell “Tree” Thomson?  Um, yeah.  About that…

What we offer detunesia  we will be positive, respectful, edical  and express our ideas in a nominous  fashion.

Sure thing, dude.  Whatever you say.

Our city made progress in many ways.  But we still have lots of corrections to make.  For example, it is not acceptable in 2005 code enforcement is being utilized as a political tool in North Miami Beach.  I ran for office because I was a victim of code enforcement in 2005. Because of that I ran in 2007.  It’s not possible in 2015 using code enforcement as a political tool in the city.  It is inconceivable that the very same people getting paid usalay  to defend our city become liabilities. You know what? At my counsel advice I stop.

Oh, did he step into a steaming hot pile of manure with that one.  Good thing his “counsel” knocked some sense into his head.

Unfortunately, Frantz Pierre is not alone in his delusional state.

In the real world, most people don’t want criminals running their government.  Somehow, Frantzie has managed to persuade some of North Miami Beach’s resident mixed nuts to cross over to the dark side.

The handful of crackpot residents who did support Frantz this time around are the very same people who, not too long ago, were protesting his bringing carpetbaggers into NMB elections, as well as his (and others’) abuse of tax dollars for unnecessary travel expenses.

Frantz has also somehow convinced at least one of these useful idiots that his latest attempt to threaten a Code Enforcement employee for doing her job was a “set up.”  This particular resident was campaigning so fervently for Frantzie, she actually started believing his lies.

And then made up some of her own!

By way of example, here is an excerpt from an email I received from a North Miami Beach resident several days after the general election:

Now I will tell you what happened the day I went to vote…First, Mrs Smith’s daughter asked for my vote, saying her mother would really appreciate it. Then an Asian looking woman with a Jamaican accent stopped me and talked to me at length encouraging me to vote for P. Smith and Frantz Pierre. I told her that Mr Pierre had threatened an employee’s job because she wanted to fine him for code violations. At least, that’s what I had read. She said that was not true, that it was a set-up. She also said that they were the only two candidates who didn’t want to outsource jobs, such as the garbage company, that they were the only two who stood up to outside interests. I asked her who she was and she said she didn’t even live in NMB, that she just liked getting involved and she considered herself an activist for civic matters. I found that kind of odd. Anyway, all to say, she was very convincing.

To tell you the truth, I don’t know anything about P. Smith except that she brings 3 pieces of chocolate to my house and likes to put her sign in front of my lawn.

Yeah, he got Phyllis’ number all right!

But, this “Asian looking woman,” who at one time was Frantzie’s harshest critic, is now claiming that she isn’t even a resident, when we all know she lives in the heart of NMB.  She also appears to have swallowed the lie that Frantz was “set up” by Code Enforcement.

I know.  I’m shaking my head, too.  This is Twilight Zone material.

Meanwhile another resident, whose elevator hasn’t gone up to the top floor in quite some time, used to bitch continuously about the salaries and medical costs of the council, Frantzie’s and Phyllis’ taxpayer funded lifetime health insurance, Frantze Pierre’s travel expenses, and his expenses during his tenure on the Pension Board.

(NOTE:  For those who are interested in the actual math, the Pension Board expended $9,856.12 on travel from the period January 3, 2012 through September 4, 2012.  This expense was for four individuals.  Of that amount, Frantz spent $4,783.92, or nearly 50% of the of the total expended for FOUR PEOPLE!)

And yet, this election cycle, this woman has either forgotten she never supported Frantz Pierre in the past, or she’s finally lost all touch with reality.

I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.

In any event, in case you’re wondering how Frantz Pierre got re-elected, it’s really no mystery to those of us who have been on Frantzie Watch since 2007.  That’s a story for another day.

The bigger question for the moment is how Frantz managed to drum up support from community activists who at one time cared about government waste and corrupt politicians.  What caused these once concerned citizens to turn a blind eye to Frantzie’s unethical conduct and possibly criminal activities?

That answer can be summed up in one word:  “GARBAGE”

Frantz Pierre ran on the “promise” that he will never outsource the sanitation department, an issue that for some reason bothers the very same people who were only too happy to get rid of 17 police officers.

And then whine about crime in the ‘hood.

Yeah, go figure.

And yet, these loonies will fight to the death for the significantly less than 17 employees in the sanitation department, who will be guaranteed a five year, full-time gig with the private company who wins the bid.

And, regardless of the empty promises made by the laughable L’il Frantzie P, the sanitation department will be privatized.

Wait for it in 3, 2, 1…

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”