I mentioned in my last column that when it comes to North Miami Beach City Council meetings, always expect the unexpected.

Sure enough, during Tuesday night’s meeting (hour 53:14 of the video), Mayor George Vallejo announced that Miami Beach City Attorney Jose Smith has resigned from his position on the NMB City Attorney Search Committee in order to apply for the job.

Councilwoman Barbara Kramer tried to make a motion to hire him on the spot.  There was the usual and customary confusion on the dais while several Council members attempted to reword, and add friendly amendments to, the final motion to disband the Search Committee and hire Mr. Smith.  Then the fun began.

At hour 1:03:11, L’il Frantzie P hit the floor babbling in order to add his own histrionic, incomprehensible two cents by stating:

“Before we go into detail, let’s do some [unintelligible].  [Unintelligible] at the last council meeting, we [unintelligible] to have search committee.  Somebody try [unintelligible] screw the process.  It didn’t work.  Now we have another council member trying to hijack the process and disband this [unintelligible] appoint somebody?  [Unintelligible] hearing right what I’m hear is correct.”

As only the Drama Queen of NMB can do, Frantzie staged a tragicomic performance as he summoned his theatrical best to cast a diabolical glare at Councilwoman Kramer.

Oooooh!  Are we shaking in our boots, yet?  ROFLMAO!

Thoroughly unintimidated by Frantzie’s effete attempt at a ferocious scowl, Barbara testily grabbed the mic and incredulously asked, “Did you use the word hijack?”  She demanded that he take the comment back and ceded the floor so The P Man could continue his incomprehensible little diatribe.

Frantzie continued, “The question I am asking when we gonna get things right.  When is North Miami Bitch is gonna be, we gonna stop being the laughing scott [sic].  Where are your principles?  Where are our morals?  If we think he’s a good attorney … if we want to appoint him [unintelligible][unintelligible][unintelligible] probably gonna vote for him … prison to me [unintelligible] it’s like I’m going to a nice restaurant…”

Then came one of Frantzie’s infamous head scratching analogies (See: Frantzie’s Folly about misbehavin’ children and strip joints), at which point I completely gave up trying to understand whatever the hell he was saying.

The rest of the typical nonsense he spewed was entirely insignificant.  But what really had me in stitches were his rhetorical, hypocritical questions about “PRINCIPLES AND MORALS.”  As if Frantzie had any inkling whatsoever what “PRINCIPLES AND MORALS” even mean!

So, Frantzie Dearest, do tell …

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR “PRINCIPLES AND MORALS.” PLEASE! ENLIGHTEN US!

Where were L’il Frantzie P’s “Principles and Morals” when he was the subject of FIVE INTERNAL AFFAIRS INVESTIGATIONS for:

1.  Stealing city water by the caseload?

2.  Accusing an employee of “planting contraband” in his office in order to get him fired?

3.  “Using his influence” to get another employee fired for daring to read his water meter?

4.  Being suspected of having that same employee’s own water meter tampered with when he couldn’t get the man fired?

5.  Accusing yet another employee of being “derelict in her duties as a member of the Sanitation Bid Committee” by having “extensive conversation” [sic] with “the original vice-president of the winning bid company?”

And, even though it didn’t culminate in an IA Investigation, let’s not forget the time that Pee-Aire filed a restraining order against Ketley Joachim, his challenger in the 2011 election, in order to throw her out of the race.  Frantzie then committed perjury by telling the police one story and the Judge an entirely different version of a completely imaginary incident before finally asking the Court to dismiss the charges.

YES, PLEASE, FRANTZIE! DO TELL US ALL ABOUT YOUR “PRINCIPLES AND MORALS!”

After he pitched his pathetic little Council meeting rant about the hiring of Jose Smith as City Attorney, Frantzie had the chutzpah to tell the Miami Herald reporter, “It’s obvious that people were talking behind the scenes.  We should follow the process for transparency’s sake.  It didn’t pass the smell test.”

THE SMELL TEST, FRANTZIE?

Alrighty then.  Let’s talk about what really doesn’t pass the smell test:

When Pee-Aire appointed his NON-RESIDENT BUDDY YVENOLINE “YVE” DARGENSON to the Charter Review Committee for the sole purpose of setting her up to run against HIS OWN COLLEAGUE, Beth Spiegel, and then feigned outrage when Dargie was outed and booted off the board…

THAT didn’t pass the smell test!

When the voting rolls listed up to nine registered voters living in Frantzie’s three bedroom house (in addition to his five minor children) for the sole purpose of having them vote absentee (illegally?) in North Miami Beach elections…

THAT didn’t pass the smell test!

When he jumped on Ringo Cayard’s Race Card Bandwagon to try to convince his colleagues to vote on extended business hours for the Black Diamonds strip club when the lobbyist “told the Council that his clients are ‘just law abiding Haitians providing jobs’ to other Haitians.”  Frantzie orgasmically concurred with Cayard’s pitch that Black Diamonds was a business trying “provide entertainment for the Haitian community,” implying that if the Council votes against the strip club, they’re nothing but racists.

THAT didn’t pass the smell test!

And, most recently, when Pierre The Putz recused himself from yet another controversial vote by claiming he was in “serious negotiations” to purchase a $4 million plus house in Eastern Shores that there is no way in hell he could afford in his life time…

Not only did THAT not pass the smell test, but I literally hurt myself laughing my ass off at L’il Frantzie P’s Delusional Moment.

A HUMONGOUS SHOUT OUT goes to Councilwoman Barbara Kramer, who also had enough of Frantzie’s bullshit.

At hour 1:14:47, she took the floor, and the perfect opportunity, to call him out on his lies and duplicity.  Barbara said she wasn’t going to make it personal, then went on to verbally smack him for accusing her of hijacking the proceedings, which was indeed very, very personal.

It was a beautiful thing to watch as Barbara publicly outed Frantzie for the real reason he didn’t want to hire Jose Smith as City Attorney.  Apparently, The P Man had already chosen his own candidate, who “did not want to go through the committee process,” and who now had a snowball’s chance in hell of even being considered for the job.

“So, if you want to make it personal, I can make it personal,” said Barbara.

OH, YEAH! SHIT JUST GOT PERSONAL!

“And I say to you, PUH-LEEEZE, do not insult me when you insult the residents of this community with the fact that you were negotiating to buy a four million dollar home, but nobody knew about it.”

YEAH, FRANTZIE!  PUH-LEEZE!   BARBARA BE ALL LIKE MAKIN’ YOU HER BITCH!

That alone was worth the price of a ticket to the meeting.

(As an aside, I happen to know that lobbyist Ringo Cayard had been lurking behind the scenes to push former-and-FIRED North Miami City Attorney John C. Dellagloria to the top of the list.  Only last month Dellagloria was passed over for the position of City Attorney by the City of Palmetto Bay in favor of former U.S. Attorney Dexter W. Lehtinen.  I don’t have a clue if Barbara was intimating that Frantzie’s Chosen One was John C. Dellagloria, but it sure wouldn’t surprise me in the least.  Just saying.)

Hey Frantzie, here’s the thing.  Everyone’s gotta know that the only reason you’re railing against Jose Smith’s hiring is because HE’S NOT HAITIAN!  You know it.  I know it.  You’re not fooling anyone.  You are nothing but a RACIST!

But even worse in your eyes, not only is he not Haitian, Jose Smith is Hispanic.  That fact, combined with the fact that three of your colleagues, the City Manager, the new Assistant City Manager, and new Deputy Chief of Police are all Hispanic, must be eating at your guts as you helplessly watch your dreams of a “Haitian Majority” go up in smoke.

Oh, baby, it’s killing you, isn’t it?

Yeah.

Frantzie, Frantzie, Frantzie.  You needn’t worry your pretty little head about it anyway.  “Haitian Majority” or “No Haitian Majority,” come May of 2015…

For starters, whether you like it or not, Hispanics are the fastest growing demographic in North Miami Beach.  You’re out numbered.  Deal with it.

And another thing.  I’m already on to your little plot to install carpetbaggers in the next election.  It didn’t work before.  It’s not gonna work again.  Don’t test me.

Furthermore, that little stunt you tried to pull by recusing yourself from the Eastern Shores house vote?  EPIC FAIL!

Frankly, it wouldn’t have mattered how you voted.  You have absolutely NO SUPPORT in Eastern Shores now that your term as Useful Idiot of the NMB Anti-Development Coalition has expired (See: Marina Palms).  No one EVER took you seriously.  Certainly nowhere near as seriously as you took your own Drama Queen self.

L’il Frantzie P, YOU’RE the “laughing scott” (giggle-smirk) of North Miami Beach.

Here’s a sign for your forehead:

Frantzie, you really are a special kind of stupid.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”