Sometimes I really do feel like I’m living in an alternate universe these days.  When I was a kid, competition – and winning – was a good thing.  The kids who put forth the effort to learn in school and practice on the field were rewarded with gold stars, awards and trophies.  Those who slacked off were left to figure out what they did wrong and what they could do to earn those rewards the next time.

By the same token, the kids who exhibited bad behavior were rewarded with a trip to the principal’s office.

No one questioned the system.  It was a given.  Good was good, bad was bad, and everyone knew the definition of the word “is.”

The onslaught of Participation Trophies started the disturbing trend of rewarding kids for just showing up so as not to damage their “self-esteem.”

It didn’t matter if you flunked fourth grade spelling or sat on the bench all season, all that mattered was that you “felt good” about yourself.  Even if you sucked at algebra or couldn’t shoot a basket to save your life, heaven forbid you should feel bad – or God forbid, ENVIOUS – because the kids who did excel got rewarded and you didn’t.  GASP!

So now EVERYONE gets a trophy for being able to tie his own shoes.  Yay!

Shawn Collins, a dad who gets it, wrote in his column, There are no Participation Trophies in Life, “…I think it’s a good lesson to learn that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.  The empty spots on my trophy shelf pushed me to get better by working harder.  Back then, you either won the championship or you were on one of the teams that didn’t win. Only the winners got trophies.”

By giving every kid a trophy for just showing up, there is no incentive to win.

If it doesn’t matter who wins, there is no sense in even trying.

No one has yet to explain how that helps raise a child’s “self-esteem.”

Helloooooo!  IT DOESN’T!

In fact, it has quite the opposite effect.

If the six years I sat on the Board of Directors of the North Miami Beach Little League (the last three as President) taught me anything, I learned how to deal effectively with the most obnoxious people on earth.

I’m not talking about the players, either.

Little League parents simply could not grasp the apparently difficult concept that only the players capable of actually hitting the ball made the starting line up.  Even if her precious little darling struck out ten out of ten times at bat, some Crazed Baseball Mom would be at the dugout door demanding that her Little Sammy Sosa play every inning.  Getting those parents out of the coach’s face and off the field was a full time job.

I’ll never forget the time my then teen-aged son, Jacob, was umping a game and called a kid out at third base.  The player’s mom (a Miami-Dade County Circuit Court Judge who shall remain nameless since it’s NOT Sarah Zabel), came running out on the field, lunged at my son, and had to be physically restrained by the coach from attacking Jacob.

Needless to say, I was livid.

But as the President of the Little League, and as a mother who allowed her children the dignity of fighting their own battles, I kept my temper and my opinions to myself.  (Let’s just say the bitch is damn lucky I didn’t have this blog back then.)

That game, however, ended Jacob’s short career as a Little League umpire.

And the player got a trophy anyway at the end of the season.

In the aftermath of that game, Jacob realized that no good deed goes unpunished, the Little League lost a great umpire, and the kid learned absolutely nothing of value.  I shudder to think how he turned out.  Probably “entitled” just like his mother.  Scary that she’s a Judge, huh?

It’s just a shame that Helicopter Mom was totally unequipped to teach her son a real life lesson:  Sometimes you’re the windshield, and sometimes you’re the bug.  Deal with it!

Shawn Collins summed it up perfectly in his column when he wrote, “We lost in the state semi-finals in my senior year of high school. I still think about that game. We didn’t get a trophy for almost winning the state. We didn’t get a trophy at all, because we didn’t earn it.  It sucked, but we don’t always win. That’s how life is. There will be lots of losses personally and professionally.  Those wins are so sweet. We appreciate them, because they are special and rare.”

Yes, Mom.  Winning really is everything!

(As an aside, all I’m gonna say right now is that I have an entire book’s worth of unpublished “essays” from my days on the Board of Directors of the North Miami Beach Little League.  I have stories that would make your hair curl.  That crazy ass bitch Circuit Court Judge is only one character in a long list of people I wanted to smack but didn’t.  My stories were unpublished for a reason.  But, let’s just say that I got dirt in case any of them ever run for public office.  Lots of dirt.)

Just when I think I’ve heard it all, along comes this story out of Houston, Texas, entitled, “Reporter Shames Straight-A Students.”  At a local middle school, students who earned straight A’s on their report cards were treated to a pizza party, while those who got B’s and C’s were allowed to come to the party for soda after the pizza was finished.

According to the reporter, this was just so unfair!

Even worse … the kids who got D’s, or who flunked out altogether, weren’t even invited to the party.  OH, THE HORROR!

This dumbass reporter took it upon herself to interview some of the kids, who did work hard and who rightfully should be proud of their achievements, by trying to make them feel guilty for getting the pizza party.

I could barely watch the video without cringing and gritting my teeth.  Even the moronic anchor of the news program was lamenting that “it stinks” that only the straight A students should get the pizza.  Her co-host bobbed his head and agreed that it “seemed arbitrary.”

ARBITRARY?  WTF?

IN WHAT FREAKING WORLD IS REWARDING ONLY THE WINNER ARBITRARY?

If that were the case:

Giving the seat on the dais to the candidate who gets the most votes is ARBITRARY!

Giving the job to the most qualified applicant is ARBITRARY!

Giving the Vince Lombardi Trophy to the team who wins the Super Bowl is ARBITRARY!

There are no winners or losers …

OH, WAIT!  YES THERE ARE!

Instead of Participation Trophies, winners should get these:

Now THAT raises self-esteem!

In any event, I’ve spoken out many times against the insanity of handing out Participation Trophies like candy.  One of the unintended consequences of doing so is that “winning” something for nothing may lead to contracting “Affluenza,” a “condition in which children — generally from richer families — have a sense of entitlement, are irresponsible, and make excuses for poor behavior because parents have not set proper boundaries,” according to an article published in USA Today.

By erroneously teaching our children that their feelings are more important than working hard or doing the right thing, we are not doing these kids any favors.  Our attempts to raise their “self-esteem” by instilling in them a false sense of entitlement only serves to raise an entire generation of little monsters.

Who grow up to be Little League parents.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”