On the very day I created the Irony Specialist Team because it was a slow news day, North Miami Beach had its first murder of the year.
Needless to say, Team Irony is back in session.
Before we even had a chance to tear the February page off our desk calendars, we already had that homocide, a rape, a gang-style shooting, a bomb scare and some friendly fire to ring in the new year.
Unlike the vast majority of sheeple who shrug their collective shoulders and accept that murder and mayhem is business as usual in North Miami Beach, resident (and VotersOpinion “Crime Reporter”) Karin Kimball got mad as hell and wasn’t going to take it anymore.
After a bomb exploded right behind her home, Karin told me that enough was enough. She decided to become proactive about fighting crime in our ‘hood.
Karin started a group called Project Saving Lives and organized a demonstration to be held this Tuesday before the next City Council meeting. She enlisted my help and I was only too happy to offer my services and my support.
As active members of Project Saving Lives, we want to let our city leaders know:
- We will not sit around and become the victims in the next NMBPD Press Release.
- We will not succumb to apathy and resignation.
- We will not be stifled.
Despite the fact that several police officers have voiced their support of Karin’s demonstration and even expressed the desire to attend, I’m now told that “It was suggested by the Chief that officers shouldn’t attend…. Gotta love the 1st amendment.”
As self-appointed Chair of the Team of Irony Specialists, I convened a meeting. Unlike most of the cases investigated by the Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics and Public Trust, Team Irony found Probable Cause. We had a hearing and made the following determination:
The North Miami Beach Chief of Police is not in support of Police Officers supporting residents who support the efforts of the North Miami Beach Police Department.
Wait…WHAT?
Upon further investigation, Team Irony also discovered that while North Miami Beach burns, the top dawgs at the PD are more concerned about where police officers park their cars when they come to work.
As we all know by now, unlike every other police department in South Florida, North Miami Beach police officers don’t get take-home cars. This policy was mandated a couple of years ago under the guise of “saving money.”
Yeah, that worked out well.
On top of that insanity, a new policy has been instituted regarding where police officers can park their personal cars while they’re driving their assigned police cruisers on duty.
Instead of limiting the locked police garage behind the Police Department to actual police personnel, the first level and half the second level of the prime (covered) parking spaces in said garage is now reserved for City Hall employees, while police officers who drive their own cars to work are assigned to all the crappy (uncovered) spaces on the upper levels.
You know, the spaces that it will take a police officer longer to get to when you call 911.
Because no reasonable person could possibly expect police officers to have exclusive rights to their own police parking garage.
Or to be able to park in spaces that are the easiest for them to access in the event of an emergency.
That would be unheard of.
To make matters worse, there’s a very special place in hell, known as “progressive discipline,” for any police officer who doesn’t park his car in his own assigned parking space and leave “his assigned parking space unused.”
Because North Miami Beach Police Officers have better things to do with their time than fight crime.
Their biggest concern is to make sure that they don’t get fired for parking their cars in the wrong parking spaces.
And, of course, that they don’t support Karin Kimball’s efforts to prevent crime in North Miami Beach.
As you can see, the Team of Irony Specialists has been busy.
Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”
There are residents that support a mission of safety in this city. I don’t know why anyone would not be supportive of having a safer city. I am not a “self-appointed activist.” I am simply a single-mom, living with two daughters, in a city that is not safe. Is there something wrong with my opinion?
Stephanie,
The problem with the police department is that it’s being run by city hall, and all decisions are being made to serve one of two agendas; money or politics.
In terms of police priorities, public safety is a distant third…at best.
As long as this council continues to blindly follow this mayor, nothing is going to change.
Wow. Just Wow. That’s all I can say this late at night. Except are these brilliant (and sadly entertaining) missives an easy birth for you? Or is it a long, painful labor? So well-written and illustrated, indeed.
Since I am now writing something, let me say I don’t know much about city politics but this is tres tres confusing to make sense of – both points. Hard to believe. Here’s to common sense and safe communities winning out in the end.
Barbix, I don’t do long, painful labors. If that were the case, I’d have stopped at one kid. (I don’t do windows, either.)
Most blogs are fairly easy to write, except those for which I do a lot of research. Even then, while the research is time consuming, once that part is done the blog practically writes itself. There are exceptions, of course, but most of my stuff just pops into my head when I least expect it and I try to get it out there quickly before it flies away.
Sometimes I even scare myself when I write something particularly clever because I really don’t know where those thoughts come from. I just do what the voices tell me to do. It’s weird, but amusing at the same time.
Okay, kidding about the voices. Most of the time I don’t actually listen to them.