Especially considering that the Gators weren’t even invited to a single Bowl game, however obscure.  I mean, seriously.  Not even The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl?  How pathetic is that?

Even more pathetic, I wrote a blog last night and it was so boring I put myself to sleep proofreading it.  Needless to say, it’s in the trash bin this morning.

We’re lucky that here in South Florida we don’t have to deal with sleet and blizzards like 90% of the rest of the country, but there’s still something about January that’s so ennui-inducing, it may as well snow.  It doesn’t help that this isn’t an election year in North Miami Beach or North Miami, so it’s really hard to get excited about much of anything.  Politically speaking, of course.

Take NMB’s upcoming Council meeting on January 7th, for example.  Aside from four presentations, three appointments to the Economic Advisory Committee and a Consent Agenda to approve two previous meetings’ minutes, there is only one piece of legislation on the Agenda for the Council to mull over.

By all rights, the First Reading of Ordinance 2014-1 entitled, “PERMITTED HOURS AND DAYS OF SALE – SUNDAY RESTRICTIONS; HOTELS AND NIGHTCLUBS,” should be a snoozefest.  But don’t put anything past our City Council not to take this opportunity to discuss it ad nauseam for two or more hours only to table it until the next meeting.

Seeing as how we still don’t have a hotel in North Miami Beach (thanks in part to Good Old Charlie Baron), the proposed Ordinance will only affect our three strip clubs, i.e., Dean’s Gold, G5 and of course, the new kid on the block, Black Diamonds.

Ordinance 2014-1 states that “a business selling, serving or delivering alcoholic beverages in the City of North Miami Beach” must first obtain and keep a 2:00 A.M. to 4:00 A.M. license for a probationary period of a minimum of six (6) months before requesting from the City Council an extended 4:00 A.M. to 6:00 A.M. license.  This Ordinance specifically states that “too often late night businesses have no track-record of good performance and/or compliance with the City’s Code of Ordinances,” and makes it pretty clear this is the reason the Council feels it necessary to propose this legislation.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that it had nothing to do with any track record or compliance issues by either Dean’s Gold or G5.  Although this is just a guess.  I could be wrong about that.

The only other item on the Agenda worth mentioning is the request for Law Enforcement Trust Funds (LETF) submitted by Police Chief J. Scott Dennis for $952,000.00 from the Federal Justice Law Enforcement Trust Fund and $500,000.00 from the State/Local Law Enforcement Trust Fund, for a grand total of $1,452,000.00.  These funds will be used for seven items as listed in the LETF Appropriation Request as attached to the Agenda.  Click here for details.

The reason this might be a contentious item is because, as Random Pixels pointed out in his column on December 29, 2013, Organized Crime: ‘It’s not just the Mafia anymore’, last year a Miami Herald investigation discovered that the City of Bal Harbour got into a bit of a pickle for misappropriating LETF funds to the tune of $3.1 million.

North Miami Beach has also had its share of LETF disbursement problems in the past, so the Council should tread very carefully.  Since I’m not inclined to read them, I have absolutely no idea whether or not these new NMBPD requests are appropriate in accordance with the U.S. Department of Justice Guidelines for the expending of asset forfeiture funds.  But if you want to read them, knock yourself out.  Click here.

For argument’s sake, I will assume that the Chief, City Manager Ana Garcia and City Attorney Darcee Siegel (a/k/a my BFF) have read the Guidelines and that it’s all Kosher.  I would like to mention, however, that when I ran this item past a trusted source outside the City of North Miami Beach, he said it wouldn’t pass his “smell test.”  Just saying.

When I asked Random Pixels for his thoughts, he said, “just throw it out there and let your readers decide for themselves.”  Since RP is almost always right (except when he vehemently disagrees with me), that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.  You be the judge.

If you’re looking for excitement in North Miami Beach, this is about as good as it gets.

Hopefully, L’il Frantzie P will do something stupidly entertaining at the meeting or in the near future because, let’s face it, his buffoonery is always good for a few laughs.

Speaking of laughs, if you haven’t read Dave Barry’s Year in Review, you must.  If I ever grow up, I definitely want to be Dave Barry.  No one does it better.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”