Despite my high hopes in August, the Gators limped their way through a Bowl-less season.  The Dolphins aren’t faring much better, but tomorrow’s make or break game (with some help from a losing Baltimore or San Diego team) will be our only hope for a post-season.  Needless to say, my football season hasn’t gone very well.  Then again, the FSU Seminoles have a really good chance of winning the BCS Championship for the Sunshine State next month.  I’m practicing my War Chant as we speak.  Anyone who knows me would be shocked to see me root for Florida State at all.  Ever.  But, what the hell?  Now’s as good a time as any to mix it up and seek new thrills.  Cheap or otherwise.

The onset of Halloween brought out yet another Village Idiot protesting development in North Miami Beach.  Commissioner Dr. Richard Chervony of North Bay Village (not to be confused with that other Village Idiot of Biscayne Park) earned the distinction of being crowned Village Idiot of the Day when he introduced a Resolution on October 8, 2013 to oppose rezoning in our city.  Chervony obviously had no idea how irrelevant he and his Village are to North Miami Beach.  He forged ahead, making a complete fool of himself, despite the fact that he had already been outed by the local North Bay Village blogger, Kevin Vericker, for being lewd and lascivious.  Weirdly enough, Chervony seems to relish his own notoriety and is apparently as shameless as NMB’s own EX-mayor Myron Rosner.  Seriously, where do these people come from?

Speaking of Myron, his appeal to the Eleventh Judicial Circuit Court for his code violation woes resulted in his having to go back before the Code Enforcement Board for a rehearing.  Myron’s motion for attorney’s fees was also laughed out of the Courtroom.  His lawyer, Ben Kuehne, continued to beef up his bank account, courtesy of our very own Village Idiot.

We also checked in on Myron’s other trial a few times and learned all about the drama behind the scenes that led up to his eventual arrest for four felonies and five misdemeanors.  The evidence must have been convincing, because Myron wimped out and copped a plea.  The investigative team did an amazing job on this case.  But in the end, they got screwed by the County, Myron got a slap on the wrist, Ben Kuehne got a tee shirt, and the supporting cast of Al Lorenzo and his BFF Kathy Fernandez Rundle got to heave simultaneous sighs of relief as they high-fived each other when no one was looking.

Also this year, the North Miami Felony Trial Watch proved to be an interesting pastime.  The ongoing saga of the Ricardo Brutus trial will continue into the new year, giving us something to look forward to.

For his Friends & Family Soccer Games, the Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics and Public Trust forced former mayor Andre Pierre to pay $2,181.72 out of a low-ball estimate of $27,000.00 in costs to North Miami taxpayers.  That’s about twelve cents on the dollar.  Your tax dollars hard at play, folks!  The COE did award itself with a cost reimbursement of $4,634.70.  Because they need the money more than you do.

Finally, the felony racketeering case of Faustin Denis, Jr. of IMECO, Inc. infamy (the no-bid winner of a sweet Biscayne Landing construction gig), ended with a four ball walk when he copped a plea before the seventh inning stretch.  I mean, before the trial.  Maybe he and Myron can get together, compare felony plea deals, and make a victory toast to celebrate getting one over on The People.  Courtesy of KFR.

And finally, as we count down the last days of 2013, let’s take a last look at the short lived drama surrounding the North Miami Beach strip club Black Diamonds.  Taking over where Swinging Richards left off, the newest owners of the newest adult entertainment establishment tried to con the City Council into granting them the extended hours they prematurely announced on the Black Diamonds website and Facebook page.  Talk about putting the cart way before the horse.  All their advertising efforts (and dollars) led to naught because, after two aborted attempts at consecutive Council meetings and a third that included a failed Race Card ploy, a 5-2 vote by the Council members handed Black Diamonds a resounding “NO!”

We did have some comic relief from that month long suspenseful saga.  North Miami Beach residents were treated to a very instructional presentation in which we learned, much to our surprise, that vaginas can be rejuvenated.  Really, folks!  Who knew?  This lesson should serve as a reminder that each and every new day can give us the opportunity to expand our horizons.

One can only imagine the possibilities that lie ahead for us in the New Year!

On a personal note, I do not make New Year’s Resolutions.  Experience has taught me that my resolve to change anything during the course of a twenty four hour period usually weakens after the first six hours or so.  I quit bad habits when I’ve finally had enough of them, and not a moment before.  I’m pleased to report that I only have one vice left to eradicate (and only my BFFs know what it is, so don’t bother asking).  I should warn you, though.  Once I successfully overcome that particular shortcoming, I will be perfect.  Then you’ll have even more of a reason to find me annoying.  So for your sake, I think I’ll hang on to this vice just a little longer.

Just because I don’t do the Resolution thing doesn’t mean I don’t have big plans for 2014.  One of them definitely includes my long anticipated move to Broward, where even the fast food tastes better.  Then again, I make plans and God laughs.  Luckily, we both have a great sense of humor.

In any event, whatever 2014 brings, I will continue to roll with the punches because any other alternative is simply unacceptable.  If nothing else, I’ll keep on blogging at least until L’il Frantzie P is in an orange jumpsuit.  That vision alone should keep me going for a while.

If you plan on celebrating New Year’s Eve, please do NOT drink and drive.  And whatever you do, please, please, PLEASE try to refrain from shooting bullets in the air.  You really don’t want to be a 2014 Darwin Award nominee.  Or worse, a winner.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”