Some crimes are so brilliantly masterminded I can’t help but wonder how financially successful the perpetrators would be if only they’d channel their energies into legal ventures instead. Most criminals, however, are just plain stupid. The fact that they almost always get caught, only proves that theory.
As a case in point, CBS Miami reported yesterday that a 24 year old serial armed robber turned down an offered plea to do 15 years, only to be slapped with three life terms in the hoosegow for his stubborn refusal to deal. Along with continuing his crime spree while on probation and using a false name while arrested yet again, deciding to go to trial instead of taking the deal was not one of his best decisions.
I’d love to say that Breon Davis will go down in history as one of the dumbest criminals in South Florida, but sadly, there are plenty more where he came from. From the archives of the Random Pixels Blog comes Kurt James, a bona fide member of the RP Losers Corner. In his infinite wisdom, Mr. James decided to represent himself in his carjacking and armed robbery trial. I should say his botched carjacking, because according to Channel 10 reporter John Turchin (as quoted in Random Pixels), James and his peeps “tried to steal the man’s Mercedes but were unable to figure out how to get it in gear.”
Random Pixels deserves the “Best Line in Any Blog Ever Award” for: “That’s right…a guy who couldn’t figure out how steal a car, suddenly decides he wants to be a lawyer.”
I could not top that even if I tried. Suffice it to say that both Breon Davis and Kurt James deserve nominations for the 2013 Darwin Awards.
Not all idiots turn to a life of crime. Some run for public office. (Although it could be argued that the word “politician” is often synonymous with “felon.”) Some of them also try to be City Managers, which sometimes leads to Epic Failure. Here’s an example from the “Mac Serda, THIS is How You Do It” files:
As NBC Miami reported last night, there was another shooting in Now More Beautiful (a/k/a North Miami Beach). At 7:53 p.m., NMB police found a man shot dead in his car and they’re now looking for leads.
I’m told that brand new North Miami Beach City Manager Ana Garcia sent an email to the Mayor and Council advising them of this crime at 9:08 P.M., way less that two hours after it was discovered by the police. Way less!
This was a far cry from the more than two DAYS it took for then Interim City Manager Mac Serda to advise Mayor and Council of an armed robbery that occurred on August 24, 2013 at approximately 2:30 A.M. According to an email I received via public records request, Mac notified his bosses on August 26, 2013 at 5:53 P.M. – more than 63 hours after the fact.
Note to Mac Serda: If you ever want to make that leap from “Assistant” to “Permanent” …
Then again, misappropriating six figures of LETF funds didn’t exactly help, either. Just saying.
Whether idiots commit armed robbery, run for office, or manage a city, I’ve always firmly believed that stupidity should be a crime, punishable by sterilization.
Anyway you look at it, it’s criminal!
Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”
Steph, forget about Mac Serda. He’s in your rear view mirror. Sit back, relax, smile, and thank your Council for hiring Ana Garcia. You’re in the very big leagues now.
If you’re very grateful to Bryan Cooper and his addle-brained, ignorant, short-sighted, disrespectful, goofball friends, and the fiscal limitation of Biscayne Park, for giving Ana the impetus to look elsewhere, send us money. We need it, and you’re welcome.
Fred
You do have a way with words, Fred. Might I suggest you start covering North Miami? They need a blogger now that I broke up with them. A word of warning, though: North Miami politics may cause heartburn. There’s not enough Nexium on the planet!
Please don’t blame Mac Serda for his bumbling ways. After all, he was trained by the former City Manager on how to make excuses for everything. Some examples are “I was waiting for a call back from the guy who was shot”, “I tried calling the Councilmembers but their phones were busy”, or the best one yet “What’s the rush?”.
Mac is a nice guy who is way over his head in being an Assistant City Manager. He’s also way overpaid for his judgment calls and qualifications. Anna should be looking around to find someone as capable as she is to be her right hand and Mac should go back to what he did before the former City Manager RW tapped him to be her assistant. RW was smart enough to realize that she didn’t want anyone too smart in that position or else it would reveal her own shortcomings, hence a bumbling team was created to the detriment of the City Council and the residents.
You are so on target with your assessment. On a personal level, I like Mac tremendously. He is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, so was Ros. Also unfortunately, neither should be in the position of City Manager. “Bumbling” is the perfect adjective to describe how that office has been run. From everything I’ve heard and learned about Ana Garcia, that adjective will finally be put to rest. The council and the residents should take comfort in the fact that Ana is a professional, comes highly recommended, and I believe will be more than capable to run our city. I have a feeling we really, really, really lucked out this time. I hope I’m right.