As much as I love writing about corrupt elected officials (and especially when they get caught), every once in a while there really is no dirt to dish.  This is not to say that all the dirty politicians have confessed, repented and changed their evil ways.  Sometimes they’re just laying low.  Or, perhaps they’re on vacation.  It is August, after all.

I imagine that once the North Miami City Council reconvenes later this month all hell will break loose.  In the meantime, though, despite my diligent digging, I cannot come up with anything scandalous to entertain you with.  You’ll have to settle for this random blog.

In order to stave off a severe case of terminal boredom, I decided to host an imaginary contest between North Miami Beach and North Miami in terms of image.  The results are in.  If I had any “friends in high places” in NMB, this will probably sever most of those ties.  But, hey, I only call it as I see it.

Despite the fact that North Miami is embroiled in an election lawsuit, that it’s mayor is probably illegitimate and that the council is three fifths corrupt, this city is constantly improving and growing in terms of development, new business and image.  Go figure.

Even the Biscayne Landing fiasco is only a mess if you happen to be paying attention and are tuned in to local political turmoil.  Unsuspecting visitors driving along Biscayne Bouelvard only see a beautifully landscaped sales center and fairly nice looking buildings in the background.  They have no clue about the drama going on behind the scenes.  Like I’ve said more than once, it’s all about image.

While North Miami Beach is struggling desperately to improve its image, it’s not really working.  Our city is languishing into obscurity.  Despite NMB’s attempt to develop and redevelop, nothing in the way of construction appears to be actually happening.  Even Marina Palms, our only beacon of hope in the somewhat near future, does not appear to be getting off the ground.  The Braha Dixie deal is still not sealed, and several other projects I’ve heard about are still stuck in the so-called “planning stages.”  I’m thinking that a “planning stage” round table discussion goes something like this:

“Hey!  Here’s an empty lot in North Miami Beach.  Wanna build something?”
“Can we get a permit?”
“Never mind.  Let’s go to North Miami.”

Yeah, that about sums it up.

North Miami is also attracting new businesses like crazy, and does a phenomenal job promoting the ones already established.  The city’s website has a three page business directory with links to each listing, replete with a map.  Word also has it that NMB’s Costco is fixing to relocate to North Miami, although I can’t imagine why!  (Yes, that was sarcasm.)  I also read a great article today in the Miami New Times entitled Grateful Bread Bakes Miami’s Most Healthful Loaves, which is located in (where else?) North Miami.  My favorite coffee shop, The Alaskan Coffee Roasting Company, is also in … yeah, North Miami.  The best French onion soup on the planet can be had at North Miami’s Gourmet Diner.  (Which diner I happen to know is a frequent hang out of a former NMB mayor.  I’m not telling who.)  Don’t even get me started about North Miami’s world class Museum of Contemporary Art.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here.  You probably get the picture.

Moving right along…

Under Press Releases on the North Miami Beach website, I noticed a link to “Local Effects of Proposted Miami-Dade Budget Cuts.”  Yes, you read that correctly.  “Proposted.”  Of course, I immediately sent an email to my new BFF, City Attorney Darcee Siegel, with the following message:

“Under “press releases” on our website, an article entitled, “Local Effects of Proposted Miami-Dade Budget Cuts,” please tell me what “Proposted” means?
Just saying.”

In case Darcee is able to get someone to fix it right away, I took a screen shot for your entertainment because, well, screen shots are forEVer!

Yeah, Snarky Bitch just couldn’t help herself.  (Told ya I was bored.)

North Miami also was just awarded the 2013 Playful City USA Community Award for its commitment to providing recreation for the city’s children.

This does not surprise me in the least since North Miami is home to some of the most totally awesome parks and recreational facilities in South Florida.  My own kids have played baseball, both Little League and high school varsity games, at Claude Pepper Park and Cagni Park, both of which had actual working concessions manned by city employees, and were actually open during baseball games.  I know.  Amazing, but true.

North Miami Beach, on the other hand, has only one decent ball park, i.e., Patricia A. Mishcon Field.  It does have a concession, but it’s never open unless someone from the Little League or the football program wants to open and staff it during games.  The other two ball parks are nothing to write home about.  Or, even worth writing about here.

North Miami also just launched a Student Teen Employment program to help local businesses and students by creating paid internships that will benefit both.

NMB’s website boasts its “4th Annual Hang Out Day,” during which Phyllis Smith got another photo op and kids got to, um, hang out.  Yeah, that was productive.

Last, but definitely not least, (and if I haven’t thrown NMB under the bus enough already), let’s compare police departments.  Actually, there is no comparison.  Not anymore anyway.

North Miami Beach was once able to boast a top notch PD and was the envy of all other departments in Miami-Dade County.  Now?  Not so much.  Because of the budget/pension/contract mess in the works, we are losing some of our best veteran cops to other cities and to the State Attorney’s Office.  We also lost our much lauded Gang Unit.

On the other hand, North Miami’s PD is not only maintaining its quality of service, but they’re also hiring.  (Oops!  Should I have said that?)  I also hear that North Miami is in the process of rolling out an entire fleet of brand new police cars that, get this, the officers will get to take home.  Imagine that!

Meanwhile, I’m told that NMB’s fleet is still rotting away somewhere in a parking lot, which I first wrote about last summer.  As far as I know, they’re still sitting there collecting dust.  At this rate, we’ll be lucky if they can be sold for parts.

That was really productive, eh?  Nice going, guys.  Maybe you should have let the cops keep their take home cars, huh?

Just saying.

At this point, NMB’s image is pretty much in the toilet.  The only council member up there who seems to get our marketing problem is Barbara Kramer.  This is not to say that the others aren’t concerned about the fiscal viability of our city.  All of them, with the exception of L’il Frantzie P, have a vested interest in NMB and do the best they can to serve the residents.  It’s not an easy job and one that I certainly would never do.

Out of all seven of them, though, and maybe it’s because of her profession as a designer, Barbara Kramer really has an eye for detail. She alone seems to understand how important marketing (or, as she puts it, “branding”) is to a city’s image.  Barbara completely understands that our image sucks, and she’s doing her best to fix it.  I have personally seen her spend hours upon hours trying to get some progress done here only to hit the proverbial brick wall most of the time.  Her work with the Chamber of Commerce, the Spanish Monastery, and the Multi-Cultural Committee (including the monthly free movies and fabulous Magical History Tours she arranged), has done wonders to help improve our image as much as humanly possible.  I’m pretty sure if I could figure out a way to bottle some of her drive and initiative I’d make a fortune!

Another glimmer of hope on the horizon for North Miami Beach is our new City Manager Ana Garcia.  My first impression of her has been totally positive and I hope to pick her brains some more so I can report her plans and vision for our city.  Keep your fingers crossed that she’s the real deal!

Aside from those shameless plugs, the truth is that North Miami is light years ahead of North Miami Beach in practically every way imaginable.

The only problem North Miami has is that it’s government is off the charts corrupt.  Then again, unless you’re paying attention to politics, you probably have no clue and couldn’t care less.

Heck, if I didn’t know better, I’d probably move there myself.

Okay, you know that is so not gonna happen.  Besides, they already have the Kardashians.  They don’t need me.

NMB, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.  For now, anyway.  You can bet on one thing, though.  Unless something happens to drastically improve North Miami Beach in the next five years or so, I’m heading for greener pastures.

It won’t be Miramar.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”