In case you missed it last night, the Dolphins left the whoopass can in Miami when they set out for Dallas.  My hopes for a winning season were both raised and dashed from the first snap of the first play of Miami possession.  The Class of ’73 might as well start chilling that champagne bottle now.

Needless to say, it’s back to political blogging while I repeat yet again my annual mantra:  After the Super Bowl, we’re all undefeated.

In my salad days of community activism, I actually believed that the people who sat on the dais at City Hall were the be all and end all of city politics.  I had no clue as to the role a city manager played, and even less of an idea at the significance of this job. In fact, I didn’t even know what a city manager was until the position came open in North Miami Beach and Keven Klopp was a contender in a tight race against none other than the now infamous former, former and FIRED city manager Kelvin Baker.  I gotta be honest with you.  The only reason I paid any attention to that particular news item was because Keven Klopp was drop dead gorgeous.  Hey, girls will be girls, right?  I make no apologies.

C’mon, ladies.  Don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about ’cause your husbands are in the room.  I saw y’all swooning every time Keven opened his mouth to speak.  Own it!

I eventually did come to learn that having a good city manager is in many ways more important than who gets to be mayor.

Sorry, George, but I call it as I see it.

We here in North Miami Beach know full well the devastating consequences that can result from hiring a bad city manager.  Not only is the city’s fiscal health at risk, but so is its reputation.  As they say in real estate, when you want to open a business, the three most important things to consider are location, location and location.  Likewise, when it comes to municipalities, the three most important things are image, image and image.  No spin doctor can fix a bad rep.  The only cure is to cut your losses and find a new CM.  ASAP!

Speaking of Kelvin Baker, need I reiterate the dire straits he left our city in when he was finally axed?  For the uninitiated, I’ll give a very brief rundown of his foibles.  Under Baker’s watch, former director of public services Marty King embezzled more than $2.2 million by cooking up a bogus manhole scheme, and thus earning himself a twelve year prison sentence for his, um, creativity.  Baker then “balanced” the city’s budget on the water department’s reserves, thereby depleting said reserves to the point that our Fitch rating was downgraded.  Baker was also the pastor of a small church in west Broward County.  Word had it, as several sources told me, that this church was literally built by “off duty” city employees and with “excess” city supplies.  Employees who joined his church were promoted, while those who didn’t lived in fear of being fired.  In the final act of the ongoing drama that was Kelvin Baker’s reign of terror, he accused the city council of racial and religious persecution, and summoned the NAACP to defend his sorry ass at a budget meeting.

As despicable a city manager as Kelvin Baker was, I owe him a debt of gratitude because that particular event led me to starting this blog.  I was so incensed by his false cries of racism that I wrote “An Open Letter to the NAACP,” and the rest is history.

After more than a year of searching for new employment, Baker finally found a home in Opa-Locka, inarguably the most corrupt little city in the entire State of Florida.  It was truly a match made in heaven.

Over in North Miami, they have their own city manager woes in the person of one Stephen Johnson.  As soon as Andre Pierre was re-elected for a second term in May of 2011, he promoted then chief of police Johnson as interim city manager (and eventually as permanent CM) as a reward for secretly installing security cameras in the “oval office.”  Johnson then turned around and fired the long time finance director for blowing the whistle on the cameras, and then “threatened to fire any director who speaks to the media,” according to a North Miami “insider” who posts frequently on Miami Herald articles.  “WhichElphaba61” also claimed that Johnson “disallowed inter office emails, so that there can be no public records.” Considering how nearly impossible it is to get copies of Public Records from the city clerk’s office, I tend to find that comment very believable.

Needless to say, Baker and Johnson will go down in the annals of city manager history as the worst of the worst in South Florida.

Which leads me to the point of this column.  (You knew there had to be one, right?)

As fate would have it, Kelvin Baker and Stephen Johnson are both on the short list for the position of city manager in, of all cities, MIRAMAR!  I told you there’s something in the water there!

According to a recent Sun-Sentinel article, Miramar to interview seven finalists for city manager position, Baker and Johnson are going head to head for the chance to mismanage the real hometown of two former (and non-resident) North Miami Beach and North Miami council candidates, Yvenoline “Yve” Dargenson and Anna “Sugar Cookie” Pierre.  Both women left their respective homesteads to wreak havoc on our two cities, only to be sent packing by electors back to the city erroneously named “view of the sea.”

The irony of this story should not be lost on anyone.

The Miramar commission will make its final decision on August 12, 2013.  I’m not sure if I can stand the suspense.  How ’bout you?

You can bet I’ll keep you posted.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”