Always on the cutting edge of the news, the Miami New Times apparently just published There Was a Creepy Clown Statue Deep Inside Oleta River Park.

Reporter Kyle Munzenrieder wrote:

“The Internet is abuzz that the woods of Miami are infested by a creepy clowns after a Redditor posted an image of a creepy-ass, decapitated joker supposedly just chilling near a bike path of Oleta River State Park sometime last year.”

No one seems to know much about this clown, but I’m pretty sure I know who it is.

Reader killianytech posted a comment on my blog Sorry, Frank. Rocket Science isn’t for everything, stating, “No thanks Steph you can keep old one eye Wolland. He’s insane. If you want to see the REAL Wolland come to our annual Winternational parade held on Thanksgiving morn. Our family has been attending for the last 26 years. He dresses as a clown in full makeup on roller blades skating up and down the street throwing candy at the crowd. He also ropes his wife and 2 sons into doing it too. Once again thanks for all you do.”

OMIGOD!  I would have paid good money for a picture of that!

Luckily, I don’t have to.  I’m convinced that the mysterious Oleta River Clown is none other than Frank Wolland!

Now that the North Miami election is over, the Biggest Supporter-slash-Ass Kisser of the newly crowned Mayor Coco Douce has to go back to his day job as Lawyer-slash-Parade Clown.  I imagine he’s not to happy about that.

When questioned why he was lurking in the park dressed as a clown, Wolland claimed that The Douce promised to make him the North Miami city attorney.  “I helped that beyotch get elected,” said Frank.  “I pulled out all the stops.  Because of my bag of dirty lawyer tricks, Kevin Burns lost the election.  I’m not coming out until Coco up keeps her end of the bargain.”

Okay, you got me.  I made up the quote, but everyone knows he wants to be the city attorney when he grows up.

There’s also no doubt in my mind that Frank Wolland is the Oleta River Clown.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”