After I published my column, Hippies on the Grass, a good friend of mine, with whom I usually agree on most political issues, sent me an email stating, “What is your point?  Read the 1st amendment of the US Constitution.  Even if it were only 4 or 40000, all are protected by the Bill of Rights.”

I responded by writing, “Read the last paragraph. I agreed they have a right to protest. I also have a right to think they’re morons.”

I will add here for anyone who reads any of my blogs, “You have the right to disagree with anything and everything I say.  What you think of me is none of my business.”

That being said, the entire Greynolds Park brouhaha reminds me of an old childhood game called Telephone.  Kids used to sit around in a big circle, and the game would start when one of them would whisper a statement either into the ear of the child next to him or through two paper cups attached at the bottoms by a string.  That child would then whisper what he heard to the child to his left, and the game would continue until the statement made its way around the circle back to the kid who started the game.  That child would then say out loud what was whispered to him, and then he’d recite his original statement, which almost always was completely different than his original statement.  Hilarity would then ensue, proving yet again that a statement, once repeated over and over, from neighbor to neighbor, will take on a life of its own and grow exponentially more distorted or exaggerated the more it’s repeated.

The same thing is happening with the proposed development on West Dixie Highway in North Miami Beach outside the southern entrance of Greynolds Park, known as Braha Dixie.  The park itself sits in unincorporated Miami-Dade County and is, in fact, a county public park.  The land to the south of the park, however, is located in North Miami Beach and is privately owned.  The owner asked for and received a variance to build a mid-range, extended stay Hyatt hotel, retail and office complex.  The zoning was changed to allow construction for a maximum of fifteen stories, but the developer agreed to build no higher than ten floors.  Several plans have been proposed, but none have yet been finalized or approved.  As of today, nothing is written in stone.

However, like the game Telephone, the imaginary stories about Braha Dixie have spread like wildfire and have grown more and more bizarre.  Because of a Save Greynolds Park Facebook page, people from all over the planet have weighed in on the proposed project and the tales of an environmental holocaust have become more and more distorted and melodramatic as each day passes.  I half expect the tree huggers to form a human chain around Greynolds Park to stop the imaginary bulldozers from paving paradise and putting up a parking lot.

Gotta save the unicorns!

The protestors have also taken to writing letters to the Mayor and Council of North Miami Beach urging them to stop the construction, each one more histrionic than the next.

Since these letters are a matter of public record, I could publish their real names.  However, to save them from embarrassment, I will refrain and simply give them aliases.

The first one made me snicker because I always get a kick out of people who add inspirational quotes under their signatures in emails in order to express their “essence” and emphasize “where they are coming from.”  Nothing shouts “I’M AN INDIVIDUAL!” like quoting other people.  Here’s one such letter from a woman I’ll call “Sybil,” who couldn’t decide which quotation reflected her unique persona and originality, so she listed five of them:

To the Mayor and Council Members of the City of North Miami Beach,

In 1984 I became a proud member of the city of North Miami Beach. In the nearly 30 years since moving there, I have seen the city go through a great many changes; some for the better, others for the worse. One thing has always remained unchanged, Greynolds Park. There is nothing inherently wrong with instituting changes, especially in a city as large as North Miami Beach. But when you seek to destroy something of beauty for the sake of money, that is just a sad statement on the city as a whole. And it’s not just for the aesthetics. That section of West Dixie Highway was very clearly not created to handle the traffic load that will be put upon it by the significantly increased number of cars that will be traveling to and from the proposed condominiums. The noise and pollution will chase off the wildlife, eventually putting the nail in the proverbial coffin of a pristine piece of South Florida history. I’m not asking that the lot be occupied by one old woman and a loom, I ask only that true and fair consideration be given to the sheer size and scope of the proposed project and that the voices of dissent be given equal time and consideration.

Best regards,

“Sybil”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. -A. Einstein

Try to be a man of value, rather than a man of success – A. Einstein

War is young men killing other young men they do not know on the orders of old men who know one another too well. -Erwin Kowalke

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. -George Carlin

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. -John Andrew Holmes

Sybil, who is inspired by such diverse minds as Albert Einstein and George Carlin, is worried that “noise and pollution” will chase off the wildlife.  She doesn’t indicate where they will flee to, but visions of raccoons shopping at Aventura Mall come to mind.  While Sybil doesn’t want “the lot to be occupied by one old woman and a loom,” she does want the “voices of dissent” to be heard.  Has she ever been to a council meeting and witnessed public comment?  There’s plenty of “voices of dissent” to go around.

Here’s yet another letter from a “lifelong native Miamian,” which I will assume means that he does not actually live in North Miami Beach, and who is protesting the Thought Police:

Good afternoon all,

I’d like to add my voice to those who are protesting the thought of high rise buildings surrounding, or even abutting this park. A lifelong native Miamian, I have spent countless hours enjoying the park, and the surrounding natural areas both on land and water. I find the concept of hemming in this park with high rises appalling, and certainly hope that the city does not allow the developers to destroy such a pristine environment. Please vote no to this, and save our park!

Regards,

“Carnac”

“The true science, piscatorial, is occupation without ostentation, fun without fury, patience without glory; a desire for nothing better nor fear of anything worse-an existence in vacuum.” A.V. Dockery (from the book Bass and other Fishing in the Carolinas, 1909.)

So, let me ask you this.  How did one ten story project turn into “hemming in this park with high rises?”  Oh, yeah, that’s right.  The Telephone game.

Next we have a letter from “John Forbes Nash, Jr.,” who writes:

To whom it may concern:

City of North Miami Beach members, please, I urge you…do not allow development over Greynolds Park! It is not only a beloved landmark by both young and old inhabitants of Miami but it is one of Miamis few parks as it is! It is so beautiful and so nice to be able to visit an actual park that hasn’t been developed over or destroyed. Don’t you realize how hard it is to find a park these days? What about the wildlife in the park? Where are all the families going to go on outings? What about the photographers? The events that take place? The countless number of city people who need that open space to escape the madness of it all? There are so many other things I haven’t even touched on! Please, Miami residents not only NEED but DESERVE to have Greynolds Park remain Greynolds Park. There has to be a line.

“John Nash”

Aside from the paranoid belief that there will be “development over Greynolds Park” or that it will be “destroyed,” Mr. Nash is concerned about the “countless number of city people who need that open space to escape the madness of it all.”  Of course, it would never occur to him that “city people” live in areas that are wealthy because of development, but he would deny North Miami Beach the opportunity to increase its revenue by constructing one lousy, ten story hotel.  I love the way he cries that, “Miami residents not only NEED but DESERVE to have Greynolds Park remain Greynolds Park.”  How about this, you moron.  NORTH MIAMI BEACH RESIDENTS not only NEED but DESERVE to save it from terminal ghettohood.

Oh, and by the way, no one is turning Greynolds Park into anything other than Greynolds Park.  Now take your Beautiful Mind and go back to solving the P Versus NP Problem.

Lastly, we have a scathing letter from a woman who is obviously distressed to the point of blind rage:

How dare you ANNIHILATE Greynolds park? You are heartless sons of bitches for closing that park and turning it into a concrete jungle. Where will all the fish in the lake go when you dredge if and fill it with concrete so you can build SKYSCRAPER AFTER SKYSCRAPER?  What is wrong with you? Don’t you like trees? Don’t you like animals?  You are nothing but GODLESS PAGANS.  I bet you sacrifice small children and eat them in your SATANIC RITUALS at midnight during full moons. You all are the DEVIL INCARNATE!  I renounce you!  GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN! (Matthew 16:23)

Yours in Christ,

“Tammy Faye Baker”

Okay, you caught me.  I made that one up.  But the real letters are almost as ridiculous.

Here’s the thing.  One of the reasons that North Miami Beach has deteriorated is because of the modern phenomenon of what is known as “white flight.”  Thirty or so years ago, the population of North Miami Beach was mostly made up of wealthy white people, a majority of them Jewish.  At the sight of the first black family moving in, the more affluent whites started moving out.  The took their wealth with them, and upscale businesses such as Burdines and Mayors Jewelers, among others, hit the road and followed the money.  Those who moved out because they feared diversity would never publicly admit their inherent racism.  So, they simply packed up, took off for “whiter” places, where they can celebrate “diversity” behind their gated communities.

Meanwhile, because of their hypocrisy, we lost an abundance of residential and commercial revenue.  Combine that loss with the fact that NMB “leaders” did absolutely nothing to compete with cities such as Aventura or Sunny Isles Beach in an effort to attract wealthy investors or residents to come here.  As a result, North Miami Beach slowly decayed.

The irony is that all the people who either left NMB or don’t move here because of the diversity they claim to espouse, are protesting against one of the only chances we have to help dig us out of the hole.  North Miami Beach does NOT have one hotel other than a former Holiday Inn that is now a generic flea bag roach motel.  This is our chance to bring in a Hyatt, and a few high end restaurants and offices.  Once this project is completed, we might even scare up enough revenue to renovate the parks actually located in North Miami Beach for the people who actually live here.  That’s a novel idea, huh?

Yet, these protestors, most of whom do not live in North Miami Beach, are crying NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard), when in fact, Greynolds Park is NOT in their back yards to begin with.  Except, of course, for that litigious HYPOCRITE Charles Baron, Esq., whose back yard IS Greynolds Park, which he can see from his SEVEN STORY CONDOMINIUM just outside the entrance to the park.

In the meantime, the protestors have had fundraisers at the Luna Star Café in NORTH MIAMI, or at Arch Creek Park in NORTH MIAMI, and even at the FIU Campus, which is located in (you guessed it) NORTH MIAMI, for the purpose of telling North Miami Beach not to build anything within its own city limits for the purpose of improving the lives of its own residents.

One wonders just what are they raising those funds for.  I got an idea.  With all the millions they’ll raise, why don’t they purchase the property from the developer, turn it into a nature sanctuary and then pay North Miami Beach the taxes we are expecting to receive from the “massive skyscraper” we’ll agree not to build.  Would that work for ya?

Yes, it is as ludicrous as it sounds, the protestors most certainly have their right to protest.

And, like I told my friend, I also have a right to think they’re morons.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”