Truth in Advertising

Kitty Massage

Now that we’re all well informed about what really goes on in Asian “massage” parlors, my peeps and I decided that what this industry needs is some Truth in Advertising.  AMPs all over the world proudly boast the “services” of their high class establishments to willing johns, er, um, customers.  They take Freedom of Speech very seriously.  Why shouldn’t we?

For example, one window proudly displays its wares:

Horny Care
Horny Care?

Another entrepreneur takes friendly competition to a new level:

JB-BJ
You had me at “BJ.”

In China, they just spell it out for customers so there’s no confusion:

BJ Massage
You get what you pay for.

Some even hand out business cards:

Happy Ending
I’ll take two.

Or not:

Not a Happy Ending Establishment
Are we clear?

One establishment is savvy enough to use local landmarks to help sell its products:

Phallic Symbol Massage
Schwing!

Yet another clearly states that nookie is off limits:

Male Muslims
Copy that!

The Sorebun Institute of Sexual Awareness and Massage Parlor kills two birds with one stone:

Sorebun Institute
Sorebun? Pun intended?

For the DIYer:

Self Serve
Create your own happy ending.

Caveat emptor:

If you are stolen
Makes perfect sense to me!

Not to be outdone, my peeps have suggested a brand new advertising campaign for North Miami Beach to replace our local boring Asian “massage” parlor signs.  Here are the first two prototypes they’ve come up with:

Ho Depot
No caption necessary.

And:

Nasty Buffet
After dinner mint, anyone?

Now THAT’S Truth in Advertising!

Your suggestions are welcome!

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”

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1 thought on “Truth in Advertising

  1. Alright City Council! Let’s see if you can get it straight the next time. It is supposed to be “Faith & Begorarh”, not “Sodom & Gomorrah”!!! I sure hope I can sell my house and move before the hell fire and brimstone descends upon us.

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