February 28, 2036

MIAMI-DADE COUNTY, Fl. (FPI) – Archaeologists from the University of Miami have made a startling discovery in an area of Miami-Dade County once known as the City of North Miami Beach.  Several acres of land, previously submerged in the aftermath of the devastating category-5 Hurricane Frantz on September 25, 2022, are now being excavated.  Scientists are hoping to uncover any clues about what life was like in the northeast corner of the county before the storm destroyed thousands of homes and 150-foot tidal waves engulfed an entire area of South Florida.  Until recently, it has been impossible to send digging crews to what is now a remote outpost of Miami-Dade County.  However, due to ocean levels that are only now receding, teams of archaeologists from around the world are setting up camps on the emerging isles of dry land.

On one such site, scientists started a dig under a realtor’s “for sale” sign they discovered just last week.

After several days of dredging the area and painstaking excavation, the first discovery was made.

County records show that this property may have been owned by a former elected official by the name of Phyllis Smith, who served as a North Miami Beach Councilwoman from 2007 through 2015.

When reached by telephone, Ms. Smith told reporters, “You found my bathroom!  I’ve been looking for it for decades, just last week, I tell you, I was talking to my husband and I was telling him we have to go to the store, and you won’t believe the price of bread now, it’s such a shame, of course I don’t need to buy so much gas anymore now that my Hummer is gone, that was some storm but thank goodness we all made it out alive, even my puppy, and luckily we had all her shots up to date, but I do need to make an appointment with the veterinarian, whose daughter, by the way just had a baby, the cutest thing you ever saw, of course, not as cute as my granddaughter, who I was fortunate enough to spend so much time with when I lost my election to that [expletive deleted] I don’t even want to mention her name when she made sure I lost my lifetime health insurance, but hey, WAIT, don’t go, I’m not finished….”

After finding Ms. Smith’s bathroom, archaeologist Robert Jones told reporters, “I’m just glad to be of assistance.  I hope Ms. Smith will donate her bathroom so we can put it on display at the Hurricane Hall of Fame Exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Art in North Miami.

Scientists are hoping to make more exciting discoveries at this site in the next several months.  They plan to remain there as long as they continue to have funds available.

Contributed by Stephanie Kienzle, Faux Press International ©2036