Princess Pea, feline advice columnist to the stars, will now take questions from her many fans.   This is Princess Pea’s debut column for human admirers.

Dear Princess Pea,

Why do felines find Q-tips so fascinating?

Sincerely,

Lowly Human Servant

Dear LHS,

Thank you for your question. It’s a good one! I find that the Q-tip is a nearly perfect feline fascinator for a number of reasons. It is small and lightweight, so it responds well to swatting, especially on hard surfaces, and can be easily transported in the mouth. It doesn’t make any noise on the floor, so it is unlikely to be confiscated by the humans at late or early hours, no matter how rousing the session is. The bits of cotton on the ends can be chewed off and even ingested with little or no gastrointestinal consequences, something both I and the humans appreciate. The plastic-shaft variety is best, because 1) it comes in pretty colors (purple is my favorite) and 2) the shaft can be chewed extensively and will not disintegrate.

The Q-tip’s small size offers another very important advantage: it is easily hidden. Just this morning, we had a surprise inspection for WMDs (weapons of mass distraction) and IEDs (improved entertainment devices). The moment the inspectors arrived, I just lay down atop the Q-tip, completely and silently concealing it under my body, all the while looking like a sweet little puss in innocent repose. The sweep was completed, the area was cleared, and nothing was discovered or confiscated. (Put that in your diplomatic pouch, UN!) The compact dimensions can also be used to enhance the playtime experience by batting the Q-tip under something (such as the sofa or a bookshelf) and then crying for a humble servant to retrieve it. This is a very gratifying exercise.

The final reason I consider the Q-tip such a wonderful divertissement is that it is often an objet trouvé, which is particularly delightful for us felines as it reinforces our knowledge that we are the cleverest creatures in the universe. Who do you think really taught the dog to fetch? ‘Twas moi.

Thanks again for your question, LHS. I hope it helps you to better serve your own felines, because that’s why you exist.

Regards,

Princess Pea