Listen up, White People!  If you’re gonna vote for a black man to be the President of the United States, you better make sure you vote for the right kind of black man.  According to Miami Herald contributing editor, Joy-Ann Reid, we white folk don’t know the difference between the “right” black and the “wrong” black, and she’s here to make sure we learn our lesson!  (See, Cain playing the race card)

Wow!  Who knew white people were just so darn ignorant about the class system in the black community?  I sure didn’t.  For example, according to Ms. Reid, if whites voted for Barack Obama in 2008, they are not racist.  BUT, if whites vote for Herman Cain in 2012, they are most definitely racist.

Come again?

Never mind that Presidential candidate Herman Cain was the former “the former Godfather’s Pizza CEO and onetime head of the National Restaurant Association,” in Ms. Reid’s opinion, Cain is apparently too black.  She claims that the recent, and thus far unfounded, allegations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain by a couple of thus far anonymous women, only proves that Cain perpetuates the “some of the oldest and ugliest stereotypes about the supposed sexual aggressiveness of black men.”

So, let me get this straight.  Now that Herman Cain appears to be the front runner in the race for the GOP ticket, the fact that some random women all of a sudden came out of the woodwork to accuse him of thus far undisclosed acts of sexual harassment, Ms. Reid claims that it’s Cain’s fault because he is in denial that black oppression “ever existed in his rose-colored version of American history.”  Oh, yeah.  That makes perfect sense!

Anyone remember Gennifer Flowers?  In case you don’t, she was the model who accused former President Bill Clinton of having an affair with her during his run for office.  I suppose this was good old Bill’s fault for being too black, too.

And whatever happened to Donna Rice?  You know, the former model who derailed Gary Hart’s presidential candidacy by accusing him of having an affair with her.  I sure don’t remember anyone accusing Mr. Hart of perpetuating any stereotypes of cheatin’ white dudes.  I’m just saying.

Ms. Reid is also claiming that Herman Cain’s sexual harassment accusation story was “likely handed to the reporters by one of Cain’s Republican rivals.”  Because, as we all know, Democrats would never dream of doing such a thing!

Undaunted, Ms. Reid goes on to claim that the Republicans are “…throwing down the race card.  Anyone who repeats the allegations against Cain is “racist.” Anyone who speaks unfondly of Herman Cain is racist. And anyone who doesn’t properly appreciate black Republicans like Herman Cain? Racist.”

Hmmmm…. Where have I had that line before?  Oh, yeah!  The left is constantly telling us white folk that if we don’t agree with Mr. Obama’s policies, it’s only because he’s black.  I guess, according to Ms. Reid, Obama is the right kind of black.

In other words, Ms. Reid is insinuating that Republicans like Herman Cain because he’s black.  And, more importantly, because he’s the right kind of black for us white folk.  A perfect “Uncle Tom” black who knows his place.  Apparently, he’s just too black for Ms. Reid’s taste.

Are all of you learning this lesson on the proper blackness of a Presidential candidate?

Let’s just summarize Ms. Reid’s instructions on how to properly cast your vote for a black person:

1.  Former Secretaries of State Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice, both appointed by former President George W. Bush?  Not black enough because they are Republicans.  Also, they were appointed by a Republican.

2.  Presidential candidate Herman Cain?  Too black because “he delights conservative audiences with his pidgin English” and because he presents “an “aw shucks” view of America that’s highly favored by the right.”  Also, he’s a Republican.

3.  President Barack Obama?  Oh, yes.  He’s just the right type of black because he’s not a Republican.  Oh, and because he doesn’t “talk black.”  The irony that Mr. Obama is only half black escapes people like Ms. Reid, who will adamantly accuse any white person who disagrees with the President of being a racist, and any black person who does of being a traitor.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sensing a pattern here.  I’m just saying.

So, folks, I know this is confusing, but try to wrap your mind around this lesson because there will be a test.  As you head for the polls next November, the key points you need to bring with you are:

A.  If Herman Cain is the GOP candidate, and if you’re a white person who votes for him, you’re a racist.

B.  If any of the white candidates wins the Republican nomination, and you vote for him (or her), you’re a racist.

C.  If you don’t vote for Barack Obama, you’re a racist.

Are we straight?  Cool!

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”