In the face of all public opposition, not to mention credibility, at last night’s council meeting North Miami Beach councilwoman Phyllis Smith stubbornly plowed ahead with her mission to force her way to the center of the dais.  All the while swearing it’s not about her.  Her latest rationale is, “It’s about democracy.”  As implausible as it may seem, she actually believes that she’s “standing up for what is right.”  Or, at least, that’s what she says she believes.  Phyllis even made some bewildering comment, in the way that only Phyllis can do, that “four people know where people are supposed to sit!”  Huh?

Other “Phyllisisms” included her saying “rhetric” instead of “rhetoric,” and her repeated use of the word “dictate” instead of “determine” when quoting Councilwoman Marlen Martell’s Resolution R2011-38C.  Hey, Phyllis!  Put on your reading glasses because the sentence says, “The Councilmember shall remain in that location on the dais until the Mayor determines otherwise.”  Despite Phyllis’ insistence that the Mayor will get to “dictate” where anyone sits, this word is not even used once in any of the Resolutions that were on the table.  She even had the freaking chutzpah to demand that Councilwoman Martell amend her resolution to state that the Mayor will “dictate” the seating arrangement.  HELLOOOOO!  That was NOT the intention of Ms. Martell, who was understandably angry when Phyllis tried to change it.  If anyone is “dictating” anything, it’s Phyllis who’s doing it.  She’s acting like a petulant, childish tyrant, inflicting her will on everyone around her.  I told you that Phyllis is the new Myron!

When I got up to speak at the meeting and I attempted to say that this really was all about Phyllis, she started squawking like a deranged parrot on steroids, “PERSONAL ATTACK!  PERSONAL ATTACK!  PERSONAL ATTACK!  POLLY WANT A CRACKER!  AWWWWWWWK!  PERSONAL ATTACK!”

I guess according to Phyllis, any criticism of her whatsoever is a “PERSONAL ATTACK!”  Now, if I were to say something along the lines of, “Ya know.  It looks like you’ve put on at least 50 pounds since you were first elected,” I’m thinking that would probably be a personal attack.  Even if I softened the statement with, “Maybe you should cut down on all those free meals you grub when you make your photo-op rounds all over town,” it would still probably constitute a personal attack.  But I didn’t say that!  I would never say that!

I merely attempted to tell the truth, which is that Phyllis has wasted hours upon hours of taxpayer time and money, not to mention city resources, with her insistence on preserving some non-existent “policy” about seating arrangements.  This is not a personal attack.  It’s called “petitioning our government and airing our grievances.”  Despite the laughable “Civility Resolution” that is Phyllis’ only legislative claim to fame, the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution allows us to tell our elected officials what we think they’re doing wrong and why we think it.

Speaking of spending an inordinate amount of time on not one, not two, but three resolutions All About Phyllis, if memory serves me correctly the former council spent almost no time at all debating the cessation of yet another non-existent “policy” about lifetime health insurance (another topic altogether), in which Phyllis made damn sure she grandfathered herself in to receive.  That was one resolution she made damn sure got passed under the radar!  This is also one of the many reasons people were hoping she didn’t get re-elected this last time.  If she’d had a viable contender we would have been rid of her and her BS for once and for all!  But she didn’t, and we’re stuck.  Luckily for the Gadfly.

Another “Phyllisism” we constantly hear is about all the “people” who call her or who show up at her house about this or that.  I don’t know what her “people” were calling her about this time, but she made it a point to tell everyone in the room – YET AGAIN – that “I received so many phone calls from people telling me [yada, yada, yada].”  Phyllis, pray tell, who are all these “people?”  And, why weren’t they at the meeting last night?  WHERE’S ALL YOUR PEEPS, PHYLLIS?

With the exception of one former councilman who was just absolutely certain there was a “policy” about seniority and seating (the same way he’s absolutely certain there’s a “policy” about lifetime health insurance, which he receives), everyone else who spoke to the resolutions were telling the council to cut the crap, stop playing musical chairs and get on with the business of running the city.  Phyllis, of course, conveniently didn’t hear any of that.  I didn’t see any of the zillions of people who allegedly call Phyllis come to the meeting and defend her “honor” last night.  I’m thinking that Phyllis’ “people” merely consists of the two women she somehow cajoled to come to a recent meeting to gush about all the “many things” Phyllis has done for NMB.  How much candy did Phyllis have to bribe them with?  I’m just saying.

Contrary to Phyllis’ insistence that this isn’t all about her, it truly IS all about her wanting center stage.  Even more importantly, this is really all about the fact that Phyllis is insanely jealous of Councilwoman Barbara Kramer.  For many reasons.  But, mainly because George wants Barbara to sit next to him.  No matter how much Phyllis believes she deserves that seat, and she did vow to bring this resolution back to the table at a future date (Oy vey!), the fact remains that George doesn’t want her sitting beside him.  Seriously, can you blame him?  It’s annoying just being in the same room as that woman!  I bet Phyllis even makes a point of crashing parties she’s not invited to.  Here’s a news flash, Phyllis:  Stop imposing yourself on people or forcing yourself into places where you’re not wanted!  It’s really unbecoming behavior, especially for an elected official.  Everyone out there really is laughing at you.  It’s not your imagination.

Let’s get serious here.  The City of North Miami Beach is facing so many problems, most of which the current council inherited from the previous mayor, city manager and council, including the bee-woman!  There is so much work to do that I can’t even list all of it in one blog.  Luckily, that’s not my job.  My job is to entertain you by pointing out and making fun of the foibles of the idiots on that dais.  Councilwoman Phyllis Smith is at the top of the list.  Her lapdog, Frantz Pierre isn’t far behind.  Between the two of them I’m sure I’ll have enough to keep me busy and you entertained through Christmas and beyond.

Last night’s show was popcorn-worthy.  As soon as it’s posted online and I can to back and review the Phyllisisms I might have missed, I’ll give you an update.  To be continued…

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”