Maybe Phyllis doesn’t “read the blogs” but hopefully she reads the newspaper.  That’s, of course, assuming she stops talking long enough to read anything at all.  If she does, she’d read an article in today’s Neighbors section of The Miami Herald entitled “City council:  Take a seat – but where?”  For some mysterious reason this article was not posted online, but since Phyllis hasn’t entered the decade’s old computer age as yet, this is of no consequence to her.  It is too bad, though, for the hoards of people who stopped buying the print edition of the Herald and rely exclusively on their computers for all the news that’s unfit to print.

I love what reporter Nadege Green wrote as her opening line.  “With a deteriorating financial state and rising pension costs looming in North Miami Beach, some North Miami Beach council members have a pressing issue for the council:  assigned seating.”

According to the article, “Smith accused the newly elected mayor of favoritism,” and “felt [Councilwoman Barbara] Kramer was bumped up to sit next to the mayor as a reward for supporting him during the campaign.”

Even IF this were the case, and I don’t believe it is, why would that be a problem anyway?  Everyone knows that Ms. Kramer supported Mayor Vallejo “from day one” (something Phyllis claimed she did for County Mayor Carlos Gimenez and we already know this is a lie!).  If George’s motivation were to “honor” Ms. Kramer with a seat next to him, I think he should have a right to do so.  Of course, that’s just my opinion.  It’s also my opinion that if anyone deserves a prime spot on the dais, aside from the Mayor, it would be Councilwoman Kramer even if she hadn’t been an advocate for the Mayor’s election.  If any of you have been paying attention, and I hope you have, you’d know that not one other person on that dais has done even half of what Ms. Kramer has done for this city in the little over two years since she was elected.  This is excluding, of course, the newly elected Mayor and Councilwoman Martell, who haven’t yet been in office long enough to compare accomplishments to their colleagues.

Unlike most of the other council members, Barbara goes to City Hall about once a day to keep abreast of the affairs of the City Manager and all the departments.  She is constantly looking for ways to improve our city, be it as the liaison to and active participant in the NMB Chamber of Commerce affairs, or working with County officials to clean up North Miami Beach Boulevard (the 163rd/167th Street corridor).  Barbara also sponsored an ordinance to prohibit excessive panhandling in major intersections of our city.  She is also currently working to have a sign placed by the City of North Miami relocated so as not to encroach on our boundaries (however skewed those boundaries may be).  Barbara is constantly in meetings with the City Manager and other city officials to discuss every issue at hand, or else she’s attending conferences or seminars about running a city as an elected official.

On top of all the stuff Barbara tries to and does accomplish, unlike most of the rest of the council she spends a great deal of time talking to the residents.  If someone calls her and she can’t answer the phone immediately she calls them back as soon as possible.  It’s usually within an hour or two.  To Barbara, every single resident is important and no problem is too small to address.  Unlike most of the rest of the council, Barbara treats this “part time” position as a full time job.  Oh, and did I mention she also has a “real” job?  Just in case you were wondering.

So, if the Mayor had decided to seat Councilwoman Kramer next to him on the dais “as a reward” for a job well done, I can’t think of another person more deserving.

By the same token, I can’t think of another person less deserving than Phyllis Smith to be so “rewarded.”  The only legislation she managed to get passed by the council was that inane “Civility Resolution,” which only ensures that residents can’t publicly tell her at a council meeting to STFU.  It doesn’t stop her from uncivilly wasting everyone’s time by talking endlessly about nonsense and causing council meetings to drag on for untold hours.  Her only other “claim to fame” was to unsuccessfully try to get the infamous “Baggy Pants Resolution” passed so that she can tell young men who want to dress like urban clowns by wearing their jeans down around their knees to pull up their pants.  It’s actually quite humorous that one the person who wears her Smith Yellow tee shirts to public functions while everyone else is wearing their Sunday best thinks she’s the ultimate authority on proper attire.  Frankly, I’m much more offended by Phyllis’ bee colored toenails than I am by young men ridiculously parading around with their boxer shorts hanging out.  I’m just saying.

It’s just a damn shame that with all the real problems this city has to deal with in the next couple of months, the council has to waste even one minute on Phyllis and her childish insistence on making them vote about who sits where on the dais.  The Herald reporter wrote that Mayor Vallejo stated, “the seating issue did not rise to the importance of other city business.”  Well, NO KIDDING!

One of my more brilliant readers submitted a proposed Resolution R2011-39 and asked my “professional” opinion.  I think it’s perfect!  Maybe I’ll ask the City Attorney to drop everything and write this up for the council to vote on at the first meeting in August.  It will read something like this:

“The seating arrangement on the dais shall be dictated by Crybaby Councilwoman Phyllis Smith, who is free to change it for each council meeting, but no more than once per meeting. In exchange for this discretionary power, Ms. Smith shall be required to wear, at all times, a pacifier on a string around her neck. City residents and fellow council members shall have to right to approach Ms. Smith and stuff the pacifier in her mouth whenever she talks too much. She must then keep the pacifier in her mouth for at least 30 minutes. When the 30 minutes has passed, she shall be allowed one minute to bloviate without interruption. When said minute has passed, the pacifier may then be stuck in her mouth again for another 30 minutes, and so on.”

Folks, what do you think?  Can I get a second?  Motion PASSED!

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”