As most of you know, a few days ago my webmaster’s computer was hacked and our website, VotersOpinion.com, was pillaged.  Since then, I’ve been able to recover about a hundred out of approximately 135 of my columns.  I’d say that’s pretty good, considering I could have lost all of them!  When my webmaster told me about our situation, after my initial, but short lived, panic attack, I remembered that I had complete copies of most of my blogs in my outgoing email folder.  YIPPEE!  The few hours it took to retrieve them was a pain, but hardly worth pulling my hair out over.  It’s not like I’ve never wasted hours of my life on frustrating things, like interminable waiting in doctor’s offices, rush hour traffic, airport check-in lines, listening to North Miami Beach councilwoman Phyllis Smith babble and squawk.  You know…hours I’ll never get back.  But life goes on.

I received a comment from someone calling herself “Karmasabitch,” and her message was simply:

Karma :0)

I will assume that Ms. Karmasabitch is referring to the fact that my website got hit and believes it’s because I’ve been attacking Phyllis in this blog, and that payback’s a bitch.  Um, yeah, it would be if that were the case.  First of all, the hack attack wasn’t directed at me.  It was directed at my webmaster’s computer, and it was totally random.  Don’t think it can’t happen to you!  The only reason it got to this website was through his computer, and it had nothing to do with me personally.

In the scheme of things, the fact that I lost about thirty five columns consisting of my “words of wisdom” is no great loss to civilization.  I’m pretty sure the sun will keep rising every morning with or without my two cents.  To put this into perspective, a greater loss are those thousands upon thousands of books – seriously great and irreplaceable masterpieces – that have been burned over the centuries because of idiocy and censorship.  This travesty is still going on in some places in the world today!  My little ol’ column is just one in what is probably now several million personal blogs out there in cyberspace, voicing opinions to anyone who cares to read them.  And you know what they say about opinions…everyone has one.

While there are folks who tell me they love my column and they’re faithful readers, I’m under no illusion that the loss of several thousand of my written words will cause a tremendous rift in the time/space continuum for generations to come.  If I truly was so delusional as to think I’m that freaking important, I’d be Phyllis.

Sorry, I don’t read horoscopes and I don’t believe that the hacking of my website was some sort of Karmic payback.  It was just a Random Act of Whatever to be filed in the “Sh*t Happens” folder.

Now, if Karma’s gonna happen to anyone, it certainly wouldn’t be to me.  All I’m doing is telling the truth and trying to force elected officials to do the jobs we elected them to do.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  I can’t help it that former mayor Myron Rosner and now Phyllis give me an endless supply of material to write about.  In their ridiculous and stupid attempts to defend themselves when caught with their proverbial pants down, they inevitably end up making themselves look even more ridiculous and stupid than they already are.  I mean, seriously, did you listen to Phyllis the other night come up with the most idiotic “reasons” why she needs a “resolution” about seating arrangements?  In her warped mind, she actually believes she’s making sense when it was apparent to everyone in the room that it was nothing more than a blatant self-serving attempt to make herself relevant.  She just can’t help herself.  She’s a legend in her own mind.

Myron’s ultimate Karmic payback was that he got himself voted out of a job.  I’m not sure what fate is in store for Phyllis, but I’d venture to say her grandstanding about this non-issue of seating arrangements, and her obvious intention to cause chaos on the council, will contribute to her inevitable downfall.  You just know this will end badly for her.  There are already whispers of a recall in the air.  And even if we’re stuck with her for four more years, I will dedicate myself to making her wish she had lost the election and disappeared into obscurity.

To Ms. Karmasabitch, who wants to defend Phyllis’ clownish and boorish behavior, I urge you to think about what that woman has done for you and this community.  Seriously!  Other than prancing around town looking for events at which to show up to get her picture taken, can you think of even one single piece of legislation sponsored by Phyllis and passed by the council that has improved North Miami Beach whatsoever?  Seriously!  Her only “claim to fame” is that ridiculous “Civility Resolution” that Phyllis herself violates on a daily basis.  What about the “Baggy Pants Ordinance” Phyllis put on the table last year?  Now THAT was an important piece of legislation worthy of passage, right?  Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure it was a joke.  I mean, Phyllis?  Dictating fashion?  For real?  [Laughing so hard I just choked on my coffee!]  Like I’d look to the Queen of Screaming Yellow for fashion tips.

If you believe that Phyllis has done anything even remotely beneficial for our city since she was elected in 2007, go ahead and keep supporting her.  If you feel that all her “hard work” is worth our paying for her health insurance FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, go ahead and keep supporting her.  If you think that she gives a crap about you in the least, go ahead and keep supporting her.

Sucker!

Have you ever really paid attention to her?  Just because she’s always SAYING something doesn’t mean she’s ever DOING anything!  She’s about as useless as a tick.  And even more annoying.

Phyllis is all about Phyllis.  She’s a self-serving opportunist.  She gives lip service to those less fortunate than her, all the while driving around North Miami Beach in her gas guzzling screaming yellow Hummer and cryin’ the blues.

If Phyllis wants to get off my “hit list,” I have three suggestions:

1.  First stop with that damn seating resolution.  Pull it and cork it!

2.  Then she needs to limit her council meeting word count to no more than 500 words per meeting.  For starters.  Yes, I know I’m being generous, but Phyllis needs to be weaned from talking.  Come to think of it, this might be an unbearable goal for Phyllis, so let’s give her a limit of 1,000 words, and then gradually cut her off.  A pacifier might help.

3.  Lastly, Phyllis needs to install a filter between her brain and her mouth so that she stops blurting out whatever insane thought pops into her head.  Of course, if she’s limited to 1,000 words per meeting, this might come naturally.  Just like people who are on a diet more carefully consider what they put into their mouths, if Phyllis is on a word diet, she’ll be forced to actually think about what comes out of her mouth.

Then again, we ARE talking about Phyllis here.  She doesn’t “read the blogs.”  She doesn’t shut up long enough to hear what anyone else says, much less listen to advice.  She already knows everything.  She even thinks she has the right to tell you to pull up your pants!

So, in response to Ms. Karmasabitch’s comment that the hack job was Karmic payback, all I have to say is: IDFTS.*

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”

*Ask a teenager.