Imagine my surprise when I received a copy of an email that was circulated by a member of the North Miami Beach Civic Association with the subject heading, “Stephanie attacks residents wanting to save Greynolds Park,” and stating “Looks like Stephanie is in Donner and Georgie Porgie’s pockets.”  This was in response to my blog, Fun with Idiots!  Of course, this was in addition to the expected hate mail from the usual suspects.

“Donner,” not to be confused with one of Santa’s reindeer, would be Keith Donner, who is the lobbyist for the Braha Dixie project to be built on West Dixie Highway in North Miami Beach.  “Georgie Porgie,” not to be confused with the nursery rhyme character who “kissed the girls and made them cry,” would be North Miami Beach Mayor George Vallejo.

I found it particularly amusing that just because I disagreed with this person, it must be because I’m being paid off somehow.  Claiming that I’m “in the pocket” of anyone is so far beyond ridiculous it almost doesn’t warrant a comment.  At least not a serious one.  I’m sure my literary idol, Dave Barry, would be able to come up with something incredibly witty in response to such an absurdity.  With me, not so much.

This is not to say that I didn’t find some humor at the thought of being in a pocket.  The first thing that came to mind was that mouse inside the pocket of every person who constantly uses and abuses The Royal We.

Then I started pondering that famous line from Mae West, “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just…?”

Then, as usual, Dwight Yoakam crossed my mind.  Not only because of the title of his song, Pocket of a Clown, but also ‘cuz he’s just so damn hot.

Whoa!  Be still my beating heart.

In all seriousness, folks, think about it.  If I were in someone’s pocket, would I still be living in my ghetto?  Where’s my Porsche?

Puh-LEEZE, people!  Let’s get real!

The irony is that the person who wrote that nonsense also knows that I have always been pro-development.  Regular readers of my column know that for years I’ve constantly groused about the lack of development in North Miami Beach.  It’s absolutely ludicrous for anyone to state that all of a sudden for no apparent reason I’m in anyone’s pocket for being in favor of this project.  My motto has always been, “Build the sucker already!”

Then again, that outlandish comment was brought to you by the same person who claimed that “there was a blood bath” from the “slaughtering of animals” when another vacant, and contaminated, property was cleared in order to be … yep, you guessed it … developed!

I’ve held off writing about the “TECO slaughter,” mainly because those accusations were laughably insane.  But, since the mere suggestion that I’m in anyone’s pocket is equally insane, I figured now’s as good a time as any to bring it up.

Despite the fact that certain people claim to have pictures of the alleged “slaughter,” no one I’ve spoken to has ever seen them.  I’ll be more than happy to publish those pictures if they do exist.

The subject property located at 15780 West Dixie Highway, a/k/a the “TECO property” because the TECO Peoples Gas Company once occupied the site, was recently declared a brownfield by the City Council in accordance with standards set by the Florida Department of Environmental Protection. The goal of the Department’s Brownfields Redevelopment Program is stated as:

“The primary goals of the Brownfield Redevelopment Act (links to Statutes) are to reduce public health and environmental hazards on existing commercial and industrial sites that are abandoned or underused due to these hazards; create financial and regulatory incentives to encourage voluntary cleanup and redevelopment of sites; derive cleanup target levels and a process for obtaining a “No Further Action” letter using Risk-Based Corrective Action principles; and provide the opportunity for Environmental Equity and Justice.”

According to my research, if an owner is able to secure a “brownfields” designation he will be able to receive a Voluntary Cleanup Tax Credit and Federal Tax Incentives, and the local government will receive liability protection and other incentives.  From what I can tell, this is a win-win proposition for both the owners of contaminated lands and the municipalities that want to bring in new development and redevelopment.

Contrary to claims that there was a “blood bath for the endangered species [of] birds and other wildlife” and that oak trees were cut down, I was advised by experts that if any animals were slaughtered, the area would have been swarming with vultures.  No vultures were seen anywhere near the property.  In addition, according to the Miami-Dade County Department of Regulatory and Economic Resources, which inspected the property, 95% of the canopy consisted of Australian pine, not oak.

The Australian pine is one of the worst nuisances to the ecosystem of Florida.  According to the Florida Native Plant Society Blog, Australian pines were “imported into Florida for various purposes. They were widely planted to soak up the “swamp” in Florida, stabilize canals, and hold beaches. Unfortunately for Florida’s ecosystems, the “pines” accomplished all this and more–like seeding prolifically, growing five feet or more per year, producing dense shade, and emitting an herbicide that kills most any other plant that has the nerve to grow within their collective drip lines.”

Read through that article, and you’ll see that these trees are obtrusive and they destroy our delicate plant and wildlife environment.  The article closes with the warning:

“The Australian pine is just one of the 140 invasives here in Florida. While controlling invasive plants is a huge task, if we all do what we can to eradicate these aliens, it will make a difference. If any are growing on your property or on community property near you, do what you can to remove them. If you see invasive plants being sold in big box stores or other nurseries, complain.  Replacing aliens with locally native plants that are adapted to Florida’s environment will help restore some diversity for the sake of our birds, butterflies, and other wildlife.”

With the exception of one viable oak tree, the remaining oaks on the TECO property that hadn’t already died and rotted into termite eaten stumps were labeled “culls.”  “Cull trees” are those that “do not contain merchantable sawlog due to poor form, quality, or undesirable species.”

But to the tree huggers, a little fudging of the facts (or outright lying, as in this case) is perfectly acceptable.  Even in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

Which brings me back to the accusation that I’m in someone’s “pocket.”  The Webmaster told me that he thought this statement was possibly libelous and was a defamation of my character.  He suggested that I immediately consult with an attorney.  So I called a lawyer friend, who not surprisingly told me that the comment was borderline libelous, but that libel and defamation of character cases are nearly impossible to prove.  Frankly, I have no interest in going to court to defend my character since I’m perfectly content with my character.  And since I always tell the truth and I back up facts with actual proof, as opposed to fairy tales, I have no trouble sleeping at night.  If I am mistaken or I’m proven wrong about something, I quickly correct myself and apologize when warranted.  Unlike some other people, who just make up shit as they go along.

You know, things like animals being “slaughtered.”

Or, that I’m in the “pockets” of people.

Speaking of making shit up, Charles Baron, the attorney who likes suing people and is currently suing North Miami Beach for daring to build a project outside Greynolds Park that happens to be further from the “endangered” park areas than his own SEVEN STORY BUILDING, also likes making shit up.  It all started with the Pocket Accusation.

First, resident Bruce Lamberto responded to the Pocket Accuser:

“One thing about Stephanie, whether we agree or disagree with her, is her uncanny ability to fact-check almost everything she writes about. In the case of the article she wrote, a picture is worth a thousand words and she provided ample substantiation of what she wrote about by providing the aerial views of the location of the proposed hotel and also where Charles Barron lives.

I was at the meeting where numerous “Save Greynolds Park” people spoke and every one of them provided erroneous and exaggerated information in their speeches. Some said the 15 story building (its 10 stories) would cast a shadow all the way over to the golf course, changing the flora forever, others claimed the building would be seen from the boathouse and block the view looking east, while others claimed that the building would kill native fish and animals. None of what was said is true.

Ever since I was a child, the sun always rose in the east and sets in the west. The location of the building shadow would therefore fall on the three story condo buildings in the morning and fall on West Dixie Hwy. in the late afternoons. No shadow from the hotel would be cast on Greynolds Park, however, the building Charles Baron lives in has cast a shadow on Greynolds Park ever since it has been built and none of the tree-huggers have mentioned anything about that point nor seem to care. I wonder why? Whose pocket are they in?”

Thanks, Bruce.  That was awfully chivalrous of you!  It’s also much appreciated.

It wasn’t appreciated, however, by the Idiot In Charge of Saving Greynolds Park, Charles Baron, who responded to Bruce with:

“I saw your email below, as well as the Kienzle ridiculous blog post that you were responding to.  I will not waste my time discussing the erroneous and misleading statements that spout profusely on the Kienzle blog posts, but I do want to address your false statement regarding the sun and the shadows that would be cast from high-rises, a statement that you have made more than once.  Bruce, I don’t know you well, and therefore will assume that you are decent and honorable man who does not wish to spread falsehoods, but rather has not carefully observed the position of the sun and the shadows cast at different times of the day and the year.

The only place on earth that the sun rises due east, is straight up at high noon, and rises due west, is in the vicinity of the equator.  So if we lived in Ecuador, rather than South Fla., you would be correct about the shadows being cast directly west when the sun is in the east.  However, in South Florida, the sun is to the south the entire winter.  When you look due east at sunrise in winter, you will see the sun to the south of the due east point, and it stays south until it sets. Shadows are cast in a northerly direction.

In summer, the sun hews more to the due east-west line, but tilts distinctly to the south in the middle of the day.  If, at mid-day, you draw an imaginary line straight up (the zenith line), you will see the sun to the south of that line.  I have attached two photos taken a few days ago at approx. 2:15 p.m. at the park showing the tree shadows extending NORTH over the wildlife-rich pond at the Dixie entrance (a short distance from the subject private land) and over the road into the park from Dixie.

Bruce, will you publicly correct your false (but well-intentioned) public statements that shadows from the development will go only east or west?

The park has existed close to 80 years with the current sun/shadow pattern; therefore, a change in that pattern would have a deleterious effect, according to experts.  However, in starting the good fight to protect the park and the neighborhood from the out-of-town developers who are trying to cure their reckless investment mistake at the expense of the local residents, the shadows didn’t even enter my mind.  What did is the harming of the natural/historic atmosphere of Greynolds that I and thousands of others hold dear.

Charles M. Baron, Esq.
Law Offices of Charles M. Baron, P.A.
2645 N.E. 207th Street, Suite C
Aventura, FL 33180
Tel: (305)933-9292
Fax: (305)933-9992
Litigation Attorney, Certified Circuit Mediator”

According to Charles Baron, my published satellite photographs, taken directly from Google Earth, of Greyolds Park and it’s surrounding areas was merely “erroneous and misleading” while all the lies and exaggerations spun by his posse are true – because they say so.  He’s also filed yet another lawsuit based on his own baseless “facts.”

If Sorry Charlie thinks he’s impressing anyone with his Googled “knowledge” about the sun and its shadows, he is sadly mistaken.  His actions are also sadly transparent.  Judging by his record, he likes to sue people.  I guess that’s his thing.  He does call himself a “Litigation Attorney” after all.

I’m just wondering if he doesn’t have an ulterior motive for this particular lawsuit.  Just like the man living across from Maule Lake who sued the city to prevent Marina Grande from being built allegedly because it blocked his view, it certainly appears that the Braha Dixie project as contemplated just might be in Charles Baron’s line of sight from the balcony of his SEVEN STORY CONDOMINIUM, which is built right on top of the Oleta River, overlooking the boathouse and the lagoon!

Just saying, of course.

The best line in Charlie’s letter, though, is when he asks Bruce to “publicly correct” his statement. Charles Baron has a bad habit of threatening to sue people he disagrees with if they don’t do as he demands.  Unfortunately for the Litigation Attorney, I have an equally bad habit of not taking any prisoners.  I have a feeling that Bruce Lamberto, a/k/a the Pitbull of NMB, isn’t gonna back down, either.

All that being said, of course, the bottom line is that I must yet again repeat my mantra that NORTH MIAMI BEACH NEEDS DEVELOPMENT.  We need it NOW before the window of opportunity closes shut and there’s no turning back from the slide to permanent ghettohood.

Then again, it might already be too late.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”